Games People Play_ The Psychology of Human Relationships - Eric Berne [57]
Some schools of social work seem to be primarily academies for the training of professional ITHY players, and it is not easy for their graduates to desist from playing it. An example which may help to illustrate some of the foregoing points will be found in the description of the complementary game ‘Indigence’.
ITHY and its variants are easy to find in everyday life. It is played by family friends and relatives (e.g., ‘I Can Get It For You Wholesale’), and by adults who do community work with children. It is a favourite among parents, and the complementary game played by the offspring is usually ‘Look What You Made Me Do’. Socially it may be a variant of ‘Schlemiel’ in which the damage is done while being helpful rather than impulsively; here the client is represented by a victim who may be playing ‘Why Does This Always Happen To Me?’ or one of its variants.
Antithesis. There are several devices available for the professional to handle an invitation to play this game, and his selection will depend on the state of the relationship between himself and the patient, particularly on the attitude of the patient’s Child.
1. The classical psychoanalytic antithesis is the most thoroughgoing and the most difficult for the patient to tolerate. The invitation is completely ignored. The patient then tries harder and harder. Eventually he falls into a state of despair, manifested by anger or depression, which is the characteristic sign that a game has been frustrated. This situation may lead to a useful confrontation.
2. A more gentle (but not prim) confrontation may be attempted on the first invitation. The therapist states that he is the patient’s therapist and not his manager.
3. An even more gentle procedure is to introduce the patient into a therapy group, and let the other patients handle it.
4. With an acutely disturbed patient it may be necessary to play along during the initial phase. These patients should be treated by a psychiatrist, who being a medical man, can prescribe both medications and some of the hygienic measures which are still valuable, even in this day of tranquillizers, in the treatment of such people. If the physician prescribes a hygienic regimen, which may include baths, exercise, rest periods, and regular meals along with medication, the patient (1) carries out the regimen and feels better (2) carries out the regimen scrupulously and complains that it does not help; (3) mentions casually that he forgot to carry out the instructions or that he has abandoned the regimen because it was not doing any good. In the second and third case it is then up to the psychiatrist to decide whether the patient is amenable to game analysis at that point, or whether some other form of treatment is indicated to prepare him for later psychotherapy. The relationship between the adequacy of the regimen and the patient’s tendency to play games with it should be carefully evaluated by the psychiatrist before he decides how to proceed next.
For the patient, on the other hand, the antithesis is, ‘Don’t tell me what to do to help myself, I’ll tell you what to do to help me.’ If the therapist is known to be a Schlemiel, the correct antithesis for the patient to use is, ‘Don’t help me, help him.’ But serious players of ‘I’m Only Trying to Help You’ are generally lacking in a sense of humour. Antithetical moves on the part of a patient are usually unfavourably received, and may result in the therapist’s lifelong enmity. In everyday life such moves should not be initiated unless one is prepared to carry them through ruthlessly