Games People Play_ The Psychology of Human Relationships - Eric Berne [66]
1 · BUSMAN’S HOLIDAY
Thesis. Strictly speaking, this is a pastime rather than a game, and evidently a constructive one for all concerned. An American mail carrier who goes to Tokyo to help a Japanese postman on his rounds, or an American ear-nose-and-throat specialist who spends his holiday working in a Haitian hospital, will very likely feel just as refreshed and have just as good stories to tell as if he had gone lion hunting in Africa or spent the time driving through transcontinental highway traffic. The Peace Corps has now given official sanction to Busman’s Holiday.
‘Busman’s Holiday’ becomes a game, however, if the work is secondary to some ulterior motive and is undertaken merely as a show in order to accomplish something else. Even under those circumstances, however, it still keeps its constructive quality and is one of the more commendable covers for other activities (which may also be constructive).
2 · CAVALIER
Thesis. This is a game played by men who are not under sexual pressure – occasionally by younger men who have a satisfactory marriage or liaison, more often by older men who are gracefully resigned to monogamy or celibacy. Upon encountering a suitable female subject, White takes every opportunity to remark upon her good qualities, never transgressing the limits appropriate to her station in life, the immediate social situation and the requirements of good taste. But within those limits he allows full play to his creativity, enthusiasm and originality. The object is not to seduce but to exhibit his virtuosity in the art of effective compliment. The internal social advantage lies in the pleasure given to the woman by this innocent artistry, and by her responsive appreciation of White’s skill. In suitable cases, where both are aware of the nature of the game, it may be stretched with increasing delight on both sides, to the point of extravagance. A man of the world, of course, will know when to stop, and will not continue beyond the point at which he ceases to amuse (out of consideration for her) or where the quality of his offerings begins to deteriorate (out of consideration for his own pride of craftsmanship). ‘Cavalier’ is played for its external social advantages in the case of poets, who are as much, or more, interested in the appreciation of qualified critics and the public at large as they are in the response of the lady who inspired them.
The Europeans in romance, and the British in poetry, seem always to have been more adept at this game than the Americans. In our country it has fallen largely into the hands of the Fruit Stand school of poetry: your eyes are like avocados, your lips like cucumbers, etc. ‘Cavalier’, Fruit Stand Type, can hardly compare in elegance with the productions of Herrick and Lovelace, or even with the cynical but imaginative works of Rochester, Roscommon and Dorset.
Antithesis. It takes some sophistication for the woman to play her part well, and a great deal of sulkiness or stupidity for her to refuse to play it at all. The proper complement is a variant of ‘Gee You’re Wonderful Mr Murgatroyd’ (GYWM): namely, ‘I Admire Your Productions, Mr M’. If the woman is mechanical or unperceptive, she may respond with plain GYWM,