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“Is that so?” the guy says.

“Who are you?” I ask.

“My name’s Fred,” the guy says, not mentioning anything about Tony Vallamara or who it is that’s interested in my holding back Jack Valentine. And it sure isn’t Henry or Violet. They’d personally maim me if they thought I gave Jack anything less than my best. I start wondering if this Fred character is a cop of some kind.

“I just don’t do that kind of thing,” I say.

“Well that ain’t what I heard,” Fred says.

“You heard wrong,” I tell him, turning my back and walking off.

“I’d think twice on this one, Johnson,” the guy threatens. I ignore him and keep going.

I’M FEELING very low by the time Sal drives Ruby and me back to our little hole-in-the-wall motel on Linden Boulevard. Night is coming on like a curse and my mood is getting dark in spite of Ruby and Sal being so pleased over my win. Of course I haven’t mentioned the episode with that creep asking me to hold back Jack Valentine. I need to think it through before telling anyone about it.

As we pull into the parking lot of the Woodland Motel, Ruby and Sal are babbling on about something to do with classical music. I hop out of the truck, listening to Sal issue a warning that we’re not to stray from our motel room without him. I feel a tightness in my head and chest and I sense I’m going to blow my top. At Sal. At this motel in a strange wasteland of a neighborhood and even at Ruby for having a friend insane enough to appoint himself my bodyguard. And then, just as I’m about to say something unpleasant, a black man on a white horse appears out of nowhere. Even though I know we’re not far from the Hole, seeing a cowboy come riding off Linden Boulevard is so incongruous that I am enchanted.

Of course it turns out that Ruby knows the cowboy.

“Hey Neil,” she says, smiling and going over to pat Neil’s horse.

Sal’s standing there, by his red truck, seeming to hesitate, like maybe the black cowboy and his horse are here to snuff my lights out. My mood sours some more.

“We’re good, Sal,” Ruby says, feeling Sal hesitating over there. “Neil is a friend of mine.”

She makes introductions all around and I excuse myself, telling Ruby I’m going in to shower. I leave her to her little festival of weirdos even though in truth, Neil’s horse looked like a fine old horse and I wouldn’t have minded getting on him as a lark.

I let myself into the room, turn on the lights, and am almost tripped by Stinky, who launches himself at my legs. I curse out loud and I swear, the cat actually frowns at me. I feel instant guilt. I consider yelling out to Ruby to get in here and feed her cats but then I decide I’ll try to change the tone of the evening a little and actually do something nice. I take two cans of cat food from the bag where Ruby’s got her cat stuff. Stinky starts meowing and Lulu actually deigns to come out from under the bed. I put the unappealing gray meat into the cats’ bowls and then stand back, watching them attack the food.

I go into the bathroom and start the water running in the tub even though the tub looks a bit dirty and I’d probably do better to shower. I’ve stripped down to my boxers and am about to close the bathroom door when Ruby finally comes in from the parking lot.

“What’s the matter with you?” she asks.

“What? What did I do?”

“You’re in a horrible mood.”

“I am?” I ask innocently—though of course it’s true.

“Was it something I said?” She furrows her brow.

I shrug.

“What’s that mean? Was it?”

“I fed your cats,” I say.

“I see that. Thanks. But what’s the matter?”

“Nothing.” I look away because I feel like I’m going to start crying.

I can’t remember the last time I cried. Even when things were going terribly wrong with Ava and I knew Grace was affected by it, I didn’t cry. Or the first time I held a horse back in a race for a few lousy bucks. I didn’t cry. And maybe I should have. Because it’s all catching up to me now. And I don’t know how to tell her. This woman with violent red toenails. I don’t know quite how I’ve ended up here with her or how to tell her what’s wrong. So I just tell her I’m sorry