• Choose a category
• All
• Classic-Fiction

I said, “We’re going to be needing assistance on a continuing basis,” explaining that while our office was working on a number of fraud investigations, we didn’t have access to MCS—short for “Modernized Claims System,” the amusingly clumsy name for their centralized computer system.

From the time of that initial conversation, we became telephone buddies. I was able to call Ann and have her look up whatever I wanted—Social Security numbers, dates and places of birth, mother’s maiden names, disability benefits, wages, and so on. Whenever I phoned, she would drop whatever she was doing to look up anything I asked for.

Ann seemed to love my calls. She clearly enjoyed playing deputy to a man from the Inspector General’s Office who was doing these important investigations of people committing fraud. I suppose it broke the routine of a mundane, plodding workday. She would even suggest things to search: “Would knowing the parents’ names help?” And then she’d go through a series of steps to dig up the information.

On one occasion, I slipped, asking, “What’s the weather like there today?”

But I supposedly worked in the same city she did. She said, “You don’t know what the weather is!?”

I covered quickly. “I’m in LA today on a case.” She must have figured, Oh, of course—he has to travel for his work.

We were phone buddies for about three years, both enjoying the banter and the sense of accomplishment.

If we had ever met in person, I would have given her a kiss to thank her for all the wonderful help she gave me. Ann, if you read this, your kiss is waiting.

I guess real detectives must have a lot of different leads to follow up when they’re working a case, and some of the leads it just takes time to get to. I hadn’t forgotten that Eric’s apartment rental contract was in the name of a Joseph Wernle; I just hadn’t pursued that lead yet. This was one of the several times while playing detective that I would turn to my Social Security chum, Ann.

She went on the MCS and pulled up an “Alphadent” file, used to find a person’s Social Security number from his or her name and date of birth.

I then asked for a “Numident,” to get my subject’s place and date of birth, father’s name, and mother’s maiden name.

Joseph Wernle had been born in Philadelphia, to Joseph Wernle Sr. and his wife, Mary Eberle.

Ann then ran a DEQY (pronounced “DECK-wee”) for me—a “detailed earnings query,” giving a person’s work history and earnings record.

Huh?… What the hell!?

Joseph Wernle Jr. was forty years old. According to his Social Security records, he had never earned a penny.

He had never even held a job.

What would you have thought at this point?

The man existed, because Social Security had a file on him. But he had never had a job and never earned an income.

The more I dug into his background, the more intriguing the whole thing seemed to get. It didn’t make sense, which just made me all the more determined to find out what the explanation could be.

But at least I now had his parents’ names.

This was like playing Sherlock Holmes.

Joseph Wernle Jr.—the son—had been born in Philadelphia. Maybe his parents still lived there, or at least somewhere nearby. A call to directory assistance for the 215 area code, which covered Philadelphia as well as, back then, surrounding areas of Pennsylvania, turned up three men named Joseph Wernle.

I started calling the numbers the directory assistance operator gave me. On my second try, a man answered. I asked if he was Mr. Wernle, and he said yes.

“This is Peter Browley, with the Social Security Administration,” I began. “I was wondering if I could take a few minutes of your time.”

“What’s this about?”

“Well, we’ve been paying Social Security benefits to a Joseph Wernle, and somehow the records appear to have gotten mixed up in our system. It seems we may have been paying the benefits to the wrong person.”

I paused to let that sink in and let him squirm a little, so I would have him at a bit of a disadvantage. He waited without saying