Ghost Ship - Diane Carey [81]
“Have some coffee, Deanna,” Dr. Crusher said, having lost count of the passes Troi had made between the chamber and the monitor.
Troi cut her pacing short. “How is he? Do you know?”
“Stable, physically. The encephalogram’s a little erratic, but nothing I’d call unexpected.”
Shaking her head, Troi said, “I must be more affected than I realize, to let him do this to himself. I’ve never approved of these procedures.”
“If the captain comes out of there even a little more sure, it’ll all be worthwhile.”
“I’m not convinced,” Troi said.
“Sit down, will you?” Crusher ordered up a steaming cup of coffee and handed it to Troi, actually having to fold the counselor’s hand around the cup. “Drink. And forget about the captain for a few minutes. I guarantee he’s forgotten all about you.”
“That’s what worries me.”
Crusher sat back and nodded, checked the monitors again, found them unchanged, then crossed her legs and tried to take her own advice. “What about you? What’s it doing to you?”
Troi’s black eyes lay unfocused on the pool of coffee. “They’re on me every second. They give me no rest … these strangers. They’re so desperate, Beverly, and it’s an intimacy beyond description. I don’t think even a full Betazoid could understand it. I tried so hard to make the captain understand … and Bill … “
Crusher leaned forward and squeezed Deanna’s wrist reassuringly. “Don’t take it too hard. He was doing what he thought was best.”
“Was he?”
“Oh, I think so.”
Troi felt her lips tighten as she fought back the rush of emotion. “I wish one or the other of us could be … somewhere else.”
“I know,” the doctor said sympathetically. “It’s difficult to deal with someone who reappears out of your past. Especially when you disagree.”
“I expected his support,” Troi said, her voice cracking. “We know each other better than either of us knows anyone else on this ship. I thought he of all people would accept my judgment.”
“It’s not his job to accept your judgment, Deanna, you know that. If anything, his duty is to make sure the captain is clear on all angles of a crisis.”
“Oh, Beverly, that’s not what he was doing. I could feel it. He really believed the things he said.”
“He’s entitled to,” Crusher said soothingly. “Having an affection for each other doesn’t mean you have to be joined at the brain. You’re allowed to disagree.”
“I know that, but … “
“How long have you known each other?”
“Oh, nearly five years.” A warm tinge of nostalgia mellowed her distraught expression. “We had a lively time together before he decided to devote his life to a long-term mission. There was a time when we planned a future together … before we realized we wanted different things from life. He was gallant and gentlemanly, as he is now, perhaps a bit brusque and arrogant-“
“As he is now,” Crusher appended with a playful smile.
Troi nodded. “This,” she said, glancing around at the wholeness of Enterprise, “was a coincidence neither of us foresaw.”
“Why do you call him Bill when everyone else calls him Will?”
Troi’s cheeks flushed, and she managed a smile. “I didn’t know it was so obvious.”
“It’s not. I’m just astonishingly observant, you know.”
Troi’s delicate smile widened. ” ‘Bill’ sounds like a word in the language of Betazed. A word I like … reminds me of my childhood there. There’s no translation, but it had to do with-oh, I shouldn’t tell you. I wouldn’t want to compromise him.”
“Go ahead,” the doctor said, a mischievous gleam in her eyes, “compromise him.”
“Well, it means … “
“Yes?”
“Shaving cream.”
” ‘Bill’ means ‘shaving cream’ in Betazoid?”
Troi felt a touch of laughter bubble out of her. “That word always reminds me of this particular brand of Macedonian shaving cream my father used to use. It was scented evergreen and-“
“Oh, that explains it!” Crusher said. “Latent childhood impressions of parental evergreenery. There you are! It’s not Riker who attracts you-it