Girl in the Arena - Lise Haines [51]
Just before it was time to meet up with Allison, I would quickly dash into a store and buy something to show that I had been shopping. Insisting she see my purchases one day, Allison said I should be more discriminating. And rather than make a thing of it, I asked her if she thought I should return anything. She was so pleased that I was asking her advice. So then I had to return things, retracing my steps—which would take some time, of course—which was about tucking the items back into my suitcase or tossing them out. That’s how I bought more time in the tiny arena of the training school, and enjoyed Giancarlo’s company. I thought I never wanted to leave.
My parents would have died if they had found out, but everyone had their secrets, it seemed. And after that, I began to reconsider Allison’s husbands, gathering up events and gestures I had pretty much thrown away, explained away, and I thought of them differently.
It took me some time to lose my anger with Tommy. But it was hard not to soften after a while, living in the same house like that. I know Allison was confused, since he and I had always gotten along so easily and he kept apologizing in different ways, though we never talked about it directly again. Sometimes I wish we had and other times I know it was their business, not mine, and I just didn’t want to know.
Then I realized that Tommy had begun to treat me like someone old enough to look behind the curtain. He told me about Allison’s faux deaths. He told me what we should watch out for—which included her being too manic, too low, too detached, too doting. He told me to hang in with her, no matter what. He said he always would.
I’m not religious at all. But I took a class in high school on world religions. And my teacher explained the story of Job this way: it was the point at which Job got truly pissed at God that his relationship with God matured and his faith deepened. I don’t mean Tommy was a god, though some people thought so. He was just some guy Allison met when she needed to figure out her next move, her way of keeping faith with survival. He was a gladiator born and bred, a high-paid neo-Glad who had a soft spot for Thad.
When we returned home, Giancarlo and I Skyped and e-mailed constantly and I had a hard time showing up for family meals because I didn’t want to pull away from the computer. He said he was going to come visit me in America. He said I was the only girl he could ever love. But then, after a few weeks, I think he met someone else. His e-mails slowed and then stopped. It really kind of screwed me up for a while.
CHAPTER
19
—Uber called, Allison says. —I couldn’t find you.
I watch her apply her lipstick and then throw the tube back into her purse. Thad and I are tucked in close in the backseat watching the fans waiting on the other side of the gate. I can see they’re making Thad nervous.
—Okay, I say.
Before we go anywhere Allison rides up and down for a while, adjusting her seat. She’s waiting for me to show a little interest. She looks at me in the rearview mirror. Up and down while I look at a text.
Sam wants to see if I can get together with her and Callie. I guess she’s feeling remorse at losing a suddenly high-profile friend. I keep writing back: Return to Sender. She pretends it’s a joke and chats away.
—Is Thaddy’s seat belt right? It looks twisted around. By the way, Uber asked