Girl in the Arena - Lise Haines [55]
I don’t say that if I reject Uber she will be shunned by those bright young GSA wives for all intents and purposes, because she knows this already. She just doesn’t want to accept the idea that the body she looks at in the plate glass windows is the one she inhabits. And I don’t remind her that her course list is right out of the curriculum of the ridiculous college she wanted me to go to in the fall, because she knows that as well.
—You wouldn’t be able to cope an hour if you institutionalized Thad—and you and I would never speak again. I hope you get that.
I see how small the corner is—the one she’s backed herself into. Her nose turns red and I’m afraid she’s started to cry under her Jackie O sunglasses. I know the next thing she’ll do is sit down on the steps to some fancy shop and tell me how sorry she is again. And then I’ll be up for nights worried about her. I want to tell her how much I love her even though I have to keep pulling away, but lately everything is jammed up inside me. So I say the only thing I can say at this point.
—I guess I didn’t tell you yet. I’m going to go on a date with Uber. To see.
CHAPTER
20
—To see? Allison asks cautiously, taking some tissue from her purse and blotting the lower rims of her glasses.
—If it would make any sense to spend some time with Uber. I’m not saying it would. It probably won’t. But I’ve decided to consider it. You know, objectively, I say.
Later I’ll make a call to Uber, of course, to see when he’s free, so she’ll never find out there wasn’t actually a date in the works.
—I guess it couldn’t hurt to give it a little objective thought, she says. —We could get Thad on a waiting list and hold off on actually placing him there until we see. But I’m still going to sketch out my business plans, get some input from Al. I really think I might be on to something.
I’m hoping her system won’t wind tighter until she springs into a real mood.
—You really need something new if you’re going out. And there’s a suit I was looking at. Right over there, she says, pointing to a boutique in an old brownstone across the way.
—Look, I don’t want you to feel any pressure here, she says as she holds her hand up in an effort to stop the traffic.
ah, no pressure.
—You’re just going out with him once maybe, she says as she bullies a limousine into stopping.
—You don’t have to see him again after that if you don’t want. You can even leave the date early if it’s insufferable. I’ll give you taxi money. This is your time, Lyn. It shouldn’t be about anyone else. That’s what I’ve been trying to say. I’ll do anything to put things right. How’s your head today?
—It still hurts, but not too bad.
She digs a bottle of Brain Freeze out of her purse and hands me two tablets.
—This morning I was looking at that TV station, she says.
—And they had a feature article about how young girls are suddenly shaving their heads and having initials tattooed into the backs of their skulls. You’ve started your first trend, she says, starting up the stairs to the shop. —Did I say I’m thinking about going on a diet? I don’t want to look wan, just lose five pounds. More than that would ruin my face. I was like you for years, you know. Always svelte. You’re such a beautiful girl. I hope you know that. I really do think I can get things right this time. For us. So I don’t want you to worry, if Uber . . . if you decide you don’t want to pursue this, she says, pausing at the landing.
Allison’s mind won’t stop running. She’s always been like that. Down the street, into the car, back up the stairs to see if Thad’s all right, out the door