Girl Next Door - Alyssa Brugman [3]
. . . Except he didn't make more money than he would have if he'd kept his old job. To start up his business he had to pay workers' compensation insurance, indemnity insurance, superannuation, income tax and he had to register for GST. I know all this because in the beginning, when it was exciting and new, they told me everything. Dad said I was witnessing the birth of an empire.
For the first six months or so he was up early, in his office with a mug of coffee in one hand and the phone in the other. Then he started getting up later and later, until eventually I'd come home from school and he'd be lying on the lounge in his boxers watching the Lifestyle channel with a packet of chicken chips balanced on his belly.
This went on for a few more months, and then one afternoon I told him I was witnessing the birth of a fat, lazy slob. Then I saw the employment section of the newspaper open on the coffee table, and I felt bad, because it looked like he was trying.
But you know what? He didn't get angry. It was so freaky. I was expecting him to give me a lecture, but instead he cried. There were tears rolling down his cheeks, and he was making small whimpering noises like a puppy, but the whole time he kept watching this guy on the television transforming an old patio into an 'entertainment deck'.
He cried for ages and then when Mum got home from work she sat me down in the kitchen and told me I was going to have a little brother or sister. Of course, there was going to be a gap between the time when she had the baby and went back to work where she wasn't going to be making any money, so we'd have even less than we had before her promotion. (Back when we had a house that we could almost afford.) She explained this to me in small words. The 'little brother or sister' conversation was the moment she started talking to me as if I was a four-year-old.
After that, Dad 'went to the country'. Jasmina and Tanner and I considered what 'gone to the country' might mean. Is it the same place they take sick dogs? Is it code for 'shacked up with his old secretary'? Is he in a mental institution? Rehab? Has he joined a cult? Is he a bigamist with a whole separate family? Any of those would be a good explanation. It's been two months now since he left, and I still don't know what it means.
Mum hasn't called the police. Willem keeps talking about 'when Dad comes home' as though it's a sure thing. Declan says that my dad's in hospital with cancer and they don't want to tell me because I have delicate self-esteem. Everyone's always dying as far as Declan is concerned.
He's onto something with the self-esteem thing, though. My mother has an obsession with it, as if it's a religion or something. Actually, she thinks of it more like oxygen. You don't want your self-esteem levels to get too low or you might pass out.
Back in the old days, when we had meals, and pay TV, and friends, before Mum was pregnant and my dad disappeared, Mum thought you could buy self-esteem. You'd go to the shopping centre to stock up on self-esteem the same way you do when you're low on rice or pasta sauces. We'd go to the Estée Lauder counter and get a makeover, then head upstairs to the shoes. Next, I'd get a pedicure while Mum had her nails infilled, and voila!
Maybe she still thinks you can buy it, but she doesn't say anything because we've got no money, and even mentioning it might make me feel bad about myself, which would lower the self-esteem reserves even before the starvation kicks in.
Instead she says nothing, or compensates by showering me with compliments, even when she's angry.
I'm really disappointed that you didn't pack the dishwasher when I asked you, Jenna-Belle, because you're a strong and beautiful person, with high standards and a responsible attitude.
I don't know why she thinks I have low self-esteem