Girls in Pants - Ann Brashares [32]
Breathe in. Breathe out.
“You know I’ve never been happy with the idea of art school for you,” he went on. “It’s impractical, it’s expensive, and at the end of four years, you’ll have no job prospects. You can’t seriously think you’ll make a living as an artist.”
Lena looked at her mother. She knew Ari was stuck. She didn’t disagree with her husband, but she didn’t agree with him either.
“After seeing that class, I felt it was wrong for you in other ways too. It’s not a good atmosphere for a young girl. Some parents may accept that kind of environment for their daughters, but I can’t.” At least he wasn’t yelling. “I’ve told your mother this already. I can’t support your decision. We will not pay for you to go to RISD. We will pay for a regular university, but we won’t pay for that.”
Lena was stunned. “Isn’t it a little late for this decision?” Her voice sounded raw.
“You can find a program, I think. Your grades are good. Some universities are still taking applications. If not, you can apply for next fall and stay home and work to make money.”
I’d rather die, she felt like shouting at him. But she didn’t. She said nothing. What could she say? What would matter to him? Certainly not her feelings.
He was punishing her for disobeying him. He was dressing up his punishment in clothing of practicality, pretending he was being a good father, but she knew what it was.
She pulled her hands out from under her. They felt as cold as marble. Her blood had stopped circulating through her body.
She got up slowly and walked out of the room. He wouldn’t hear her words. She doubted he’d hear her silence, either.
Patrick: I’m mad.
SpongeBob: What’s the matter, Patrick?
Patrick: I can’t see my forehead.
There was a funny thing about Carmen, and she knew it all too well: She could understand and analyze and predict the exact outcome of her crazy, self-destructive behavior and then go ahead and do it anyway. It was called premeditation, and it caused people to have to go to jail for their whole lives as opposed to just a few years.
What made a person like that?
As Carmen once again lay in wait for her tired mother, pretending to flip casually through a magazine in the living room, she was full of guilty premeditation.
She kindly waited to pounce, though, until her mom had taken off her shoes and lain down on the living room couch. Now that the truth was out about the baby, Christina’s stomach was expanding remarkably.
“I got a call from the admissions director of University of Maryland today,” Carmen said conversationally, flipping the pages of the magazine a little too fast.
The truth was, Carmen wasn’t excited about the prospect of spending her freshman year at the University of Maryland. It was a decent school, but it wasn’t a fantastic one, like Williams. It was huge and anonymous where Williams was small and personal.
What Carmen was excited about, in some perverse way, was telling her mother.
Christina was too tired even to express the extent of her confusion. “Why?”
“Because I applied there, and the admissions lady wanted to tell me they were making a special allowance and letting me in.”
Christina tried to sit up a bit. “Nena, I have no idea what you are talking about.”
“I’m thinking about going to UM instead of Williams.”
Now Christina sat the whole way up. “Why in the world would you do that?”
“Because maybe I’m not ready to leave home just now. Maybe I want to stay and help out and be part of the baby’s life.” Carmen tossed this off as though she were describing her plans to get a manicure.
“Carmen?” Her mother’s look was satisfying. She was definitely and certainly paying attention to Carmen’s future and nobody else’s at this particular moment.
“What?” Carmen blinked innocently.
Christina inhaled and exhaled yoga style a few times. She settled back onto the cushions and thought awhile before she opened her mouth to talk. “Darling. In my selfish heart, I want nothing more than for you to stay home. I hate the thought of you leaving. I’ll miss you terribly.