Girls in White Dresses - JENNIFER CLOSE [44]
“Huh,” Isabella said. “I never thought about it like that.”
“I mean, that’s just the name, but it applies to all sorts of things. Like why camp boyfriends always turned out to be nerds. Or how a work crush can happen on a guy that’s really not all that great.” She shrugged and tried to look modest, as though she were the one to discover this phenomenon. “It’s good to remind yourself of it, though,” she said. “So you don’t end up sleeping with a bartender who’s a total life loser, or something like that.”
“Or something like that,” Isabella said. Mary nodded, as though they had figured it out, but she knew Brian didn’t fall into that category. She didn’t know where he fell, but it wasn’t there.
They kissed one night in her office, late, after everyone else had gone home. The two of them had ordered Thai food, and Mary had eaten very little, afraid that her skirts were going to stop fitting soon, and sure that when Brian looked at her, all he saw was a big ass.
He came into her office and stood behind her so that she couldn’t breathe. When she got up to go get a piece of paper from the other side of the room, she turned and was facing him, their mouths close. And then they were kissing, and she tasted the curry he’d eaten that day. It made her dizzy, but it all seemed a little unreal, like walking outside in pajamas.
When she got home, it was hard to remember if it had happened or not. She barely slept, and when her alarm went off she was happy to get up. She laughed in the shower as she got ready; giddy and tired, she lathered her hair and laughed.
She didn’t see Brian all day. He wasn’t on the roof that night, and she knew something was wrong. Two more days passed and the only time she saw him was from down the hall as he went into a meeting. She was such an idiot. He was her boss. This was not something she would ever do, and she decided that she would clear it up as soon as she got the chance.
A few nights later, she was in her office and he walked by. Before she knew it, she was calling out his name. He looked surprised, but just raised his eyebrows and stepped inside. “Yes?” he said.
“Hi,” Mary said. “So, I just wanted to apologize for the other night. It wasn’t professional, and I regret it.”
“Okay,” Brian said.
“Okay,” Mary said. He looked like he was going to leave, but Mary wanted to say more. “I mean, if there were different circumstances, maybe. But you’re my boss, and we work together.”
“That’s the least of it,” Brian said.
“What?” Mary asked. “What do you mean?”
“Mary,” Brian said, “I’m engaged. You knew that.”
“I didn’t know that,” Mary said. “How could I have known that?”
Brian laughed. He sounded a little evil. “You knew,” he said.
“I didn’t know,” Mary said. Her voice sounded like she wasn’t sure if she believed herself or not.
“Of course you knew,” Brian said. He sounded impatient. “Remember the week after you started when everyone had cake in the big conference room? It was for my engagement. Carla arranged it.” Mary vaguely remembered standing with plastic plates, eating white frosted cake that wasn’t good but was better than sitting at her desk.
“No,” she said. She shook her head. “No, I don’t remember.”
Brian laughed meanly again, and Mary realized that he was maybe the kind of guy who contained the potential to be very cruel, the kind of guy who believed the lies he told. “Look,” he said. “Whatever you need to tell yourself. Just don’t repeat it around here.”
“I wouldn’t tell anyone. Don’t you tell anyone.” This came out sounding stupid, like a child deflecting an insult by repeating it.
Brian just nodded. “Okay,” he said. He turned and walked out of her office.
Mary sat at her desk for a while, not knowing what to do. She’d never done anything this bad in her life. She’d never cheated on anyone, never stolen a friend’s boyfriend, never kissed a guy who was taken. Engaged. The word was weighted.
Had she known? She didn’t think so, but maybe she was just trying to make herself