Glasshouse - Charles Stross [2]
Which is almost but not quite a complete lie. I didn’t volunteer, someone made me an offer I couldn’t refuse. I knew too much. Either consent to undergo memory surgery, or my next death would be my last. At least, that’s what it said I’d done in the dead-paper letter that was waiting by my bedside when I awakened in the rehab center, fresh from having the water of Lethe delivered straight to my brain by the molecular-sized robots of the hospitaler surgeon-confessors. I grin, sealing the partial truths with an outright lie. “So I had a radical rebuild, and now I can’t remember why.”
“And you feel like a new human,” she says, smiling faintly.
“Yes.” I glance at her lower pair of hands. I can’t help noticing that she’s fidgeting. “Even though I stuck with this conservative body plan.” I’m very conservatively turned out—a medium-height male, dark eyes, wiry, the stubble of dark hair beginning to appear across my scalp—like an unreconstructed Eurasian from the pre-space era, right down to the leather kilt and hemp sandals. “I have a strong self-image, and I didn’t really want to shed it—too many associations tied up in there. Those are nice skulls, by the way.”
Kay smiles. “Thank you. And thank you again for not asking, by the way.”
“Asking?”
“The usual question: Why do you look like, well . . .”
I pick up my glass for the first time and take a sip of the bitingly cold blue liquid. “You’ve just spent an entire prehistoric human lifetime as an ice ghoul and people are needling you for having too many arms?” I shake my head. “I just assumed you have a good reason.”
She crosses both pairs of arms defensively. “I’d feel like a liar looking like . . .” She glances past me. There are a handful of other people in the bar, a few bushujo and a couple of cyborgs, but most of them are wearing orthohuman bodies. She’s glancing at a woman with long blond hair on one side of her head and stubble on the other, wearing a filmy white drape and a sword belt. The woman is braying loudly with laughter at something one of her companions just said—berserkers on the prowl for players. “Her, for example.”
“But you were orthohuman once?”
“I still am, inside.”
The penny drops: She wears xenohuman drag when she’s in public because she’s shy. I glance over at the group and accidentally make eye contact with the blond woman. She looks at me, stiffens, then pointedly turns away. “How long has this bar been here?” I ask, my ears burning. How dare she do that to me?
“About three megs.” Kay nods at the group of orthos across the room. “I really would avoid paying obvious attention to them, they’re duelists.”
“So am I.” I nod at her. “I find it therapeutic.”
She grimaces. “I don’t play, myself. It’s messy. And I don’t like pain.”
“Well, neither do I,” I say slowly. “That’s not the point.” The point is that we get angry when we can’t remember who we are, and we lash out at first; and a structured, formal framework means that nobody else needs to get hurt.
“Where do you live?” she asks.
“I’m in the”—she’s transparently changing the subject, I realize—“clinic, still. I mean, everything I had, I”—liquidated and ran—“I travel light. I still haven’t decided what to be in this new lifetime, so there doesn’t seem much point in having lots of baggage.”
“Another drink?” Kay asks. “I’m buying.”
“Yes, please.” A warning bell rings in my head as I sense Blondie heading toward our table. I pretend not to notice, but I can feel a familiar warmth in my stomach, a tension in my back. Ancient reflexes and not a few modern cheat-codes take