Glasshouse - Charles Stross [53]
I’ve got to get out of here, I realize, aghast. The thing is, I’ve seen swords like that before. Vorpal blades, they call them, I’m not sure why. This one’s obviously decommissioned, but how did it get here? They don’t rely on the edge or point to cut, that’s not what they’re for. They belonged to, to—Who did they belong to? I rack my brains, trying to find the source of this terrible conviction that I stand in the presence of something utterly evil, something that doesn’t belong in any experimental polity, a stink of livid corruption. But my treacherous memory lets me down again, and as I batter myself against the closed door of my own history, I walk back into the light outside, blinking and wondering if I might be wrong after all. Wrong about Cass being Kay. Wrong about Mick being violent. Wrong about the sword and the chalice. Wrong about who and what I am . . .
7
Bottom
TIME passes glacially slowly. I don’t say anything to Sam about the events in Church, not about Cass’s black eye nor the Vorpal blade on the Church altar. Sam is comfortable to live with, happy to listen to my depressive chatter about the women’s world, but there’s always the worm of worry gnawing at the back of my mind: Can I trust him? I want to, but I can’t be sure he isn’t one of my pursuers. It’s a horrible dilemma, the risk/trust trade-off. So I don’t talk about what I do in the garage, or on the basement exercise machine, and he doesn’t volunteer much information about what he does at work. A couple of the ladies who lunch are talking about organizing dinner parties, but if we invited ourselves into that kind of social circle they’d expect us to reciprocate and the stress would be—well, I don’t think either of us is up to it. So we live our lonely lives in each other’s back pockets, and I worry about Cass, and Sam reads a lot and watches TV, trying to understand the ancients.
When we get home after the abortive meeting in Church, I use my netlink to check our group’s public points. Jen is leading on social connectedness, while Alice is second on that score—her helping me with clothes seems to be good for her. To my surprise I see that I’m at the bottom of the cohort. There’s an activity breakdown and it looks like everyone else is having sex with their partner: Forming stable relationships is a good way to jack up your score, easy points. I backtrack a week or two and see that Cass is regularly active with Mick.
For some reason I find this unaccountably depressing. The others are watching, and I’m supposed to be involved with Sam, and I don’t want to do anything that might give Jen any sense of satisfaction whatsoever. It’s an immature attitude, but I’m really conscious of the fact that they’re keeping an eye on my score, waiting for me to surrender. Waiting for me to give Sam what they think he ought to want. Too bad they don’t really know us.
ABOUT two weeks later I finally reach the end of my tether. It’s a hot, tiresome Tuesday evening. I’ve spent the morning exercising outdoors—there are still no neighbors, although a couple of families are due to move in when the next cohort arrives in a couple of weeks’ time—and then worked in the garage all afternoon. I’m trying to relearn welding the hard way, and I’m lucky not to have burned my arm off or electrocuted myself so far.
I have vague recollections of having done this stuff a long time ago, in gigaseconds past, but it’s so long ago that the memories are all second-hand and I’ve clearly forgotten almost everything I knew. There’s something wrong with my technique, and the pieces of spring steel I’m trying to make into a single fabrication are going brittle around the weld. I try bending the last one in the vise and the join I’ve just spent an hour working on snaps and small fragments go flying. If I was standing