Good Drinks for Bad Days - Kerry Colburn [9]
Lime and pineapple wedges for garnish
Shake the dark rum, light rum, passion fruit juice, orange juice, lime juice, pineapple juice, and bitters vigorously with ice. Strain into an ice-filled glass. Garnish with the lime and pineapple wedges. Serve packets of dry-roasted peanuts on the side, and drink in front of the Weather Channel to make yourself feel better.
From Bad to Worse: No flights leaving for at least forty-eight hours? Double the rum and serve in a hurricane glass for the classic high-octane Hurricane.
Bad Day: Fashion faux pas
Why didn’t your friends warn you? Somehow, you wore your best cocktail attire when everyone else was in graphic T’s, or worse, you sported jeans and a hoodie when the whole place was decked out. If the evening included an impeccably dressed date who looked downright horrified when you walked in, it’s time to lose yourself in a color-coordinated drink that’s always in style.
Good Drink: Black and Tan
8 ounces Guinness or other stout
8 ounces pale ale or lager
Pour the Guinness into a pint glass and slowly top with the pale ale. Admire the classic lines and timeless palette before quaffing.
Bad Day: Got arrested
Whoops! You got taken down to the station. Surely there was some sort of mix-up regarding that suspended license, barroom brawl, tax return, or public display of drunkenness, and all will be straightened out quickly. But once you’ve been fingerprinted, you can no longer order sissy drinks. After you post bail, order up this one.
Good Drink: Alabama Slammer
1 ounce Southern Comfort
1 ounce amaretto
½ ounce sloe gin
1 ounce orange juice
Shake the Southern Comfort, amaretto, gin, and orange juice with ice and strain into an ice-filled glass.
From Bad to Worse: Actually spend the night in the slammer? Skip the ice and pour the ingredients into a tall shot glass; knock it back like the badass you are.
Bad Day: Called “sir” or “ma’am” by teenage salesclerk
If there’s anything more annoying than an inept teenage salesperson, it’s an inept teenage salesperson who acts like you’re old. You! Old? As if! When they say “sir” or “ma’am” in that bratty voice, speak very slowly to you, or expect you to not understand any high-tech terms, it’s time to prove that you can beat those kids at their own game. No matter what year you graduated from high school (and no one needs to know), you can still party with the best of them!
Good Drink: Vodka Red Bull
2 ounces vodka
10 ounces Red Bull
Pour the vodka and Red Bull into an ice-filled glass and stir. Quickly follow with a different, grown-up drink to get the horrible taste out of your mouth.
From Bad to Worse: Dissed by youngsters while at a bar? Order this as a Depth Charge, with the shot of vodka dropped into the glass of Red Bull. Chug! Chug! Chug!
Bad Day: Totally unfair speeding ticket
Okay, maybe you were going a wee bit over the speed limit, but was it your fault you had an 8 a.m. meeting to get to? You were only trying to be responsible. And if that humorless police officer had time to join you for this drink, surely he would’ve come around to your point of view. In the meantime, move into the “sloe” lane and put away your keys; it’s cocktail hour.
Good Drink: Sloe Gin Fizz
2 ounces sloe gin
1½ ounces fresh lemon juice
½ ounce simple syrup (see page 35)
3 to 4 ounces chilled club soda
Maraschino cherry for garnish
Shake the gin, lemon juice, and simple syrup with ice. Strain into an ice-filled highball glass, then top with club soda and stir. Garnish with the cherry.
From Bad to Worse: Not your first moving violation this year? If you can look forward to an insurance rate hike, a Sloe Screw is also appropriate: just mix equal parts of sloe gin and orange juice over ice.
Bad Day: Hangover
It doesn’t matter how many you’ve had in your lifetime, a bad hangover is . . . bad. Really, really bad. Your head is splitting, your belly is flip-flopping, the room is spinning, and your teeth are wearing little furry sweaters. How could you have let this