Grace Abounding to the Chief of Sinners [49]
YET SO MINCE IT, AS TO MAKE WAY FOR YOUR OWN ESCAPE; LEST INSTEAD OF AWAKENING OTHERS, YOU LAY THAT GUILT UPON YOUR OWN SOUL, THAT YOU WILL NEVER GET FROM UNDER.
295. But I thank the Lord, I have been kept from consenting to these so horrid suggestions, and have rather, as Sampson, bowed myself with all my might, to condemn sin and transgression, wherever I found it; yea, though therein also I did bring guilt upon my own conscience: LET ME DIE (thought I), WITH THE PHILISTINES, Judges xvi. 29, 30, rather than deal corruptly with the blessed word of God. THOU THAT TEACHEST ANOTHER, TEACHEST THOU NOT THYSELF? It is far better that thou do judge thyself, even by preaching plainly unto others, than that thou, to save thyself, imprison the truth in righteousness. Blessed be God for His help also in this.
296. I have also, while found in this blessed work of Christ, been often tempted to pride and liftings up of heart: and though I dare not say, I have not been affected with this, yet truly the Lord of His precious mercy, hath so carried it towards me, that for the most part I have had but small joy to give way to such a thing: for it hath been my every day's portion to be let into the evil of my own heart, and still made to see such a multitude of corruptions and infirmities therein, that it hath caused hanging down of the head under all my gifts and attainments; I have felt this thorn in the flesh, 2 Cor. xii. 8, 9, the very mercy of God to me.
297. I have also had, together with this, some notable place or other of the word presented before me, which word hath contained in it some sharp and piercing sentence concerning the perishing of the soul, notwithstanding gifts and parts: as, for instance, that hath been of great use to me: THOUGH I SPEAK WITH THE TONGUES OF MEN AND ANGELS, AND HAVE NOT CHARITY, I AM BECOME AS SOUNDING BRASS, AND A TINKLING CYMBAL. 1 Cor. xiii. 1, 2.
298. A tinkling cymbal is an instrument of music, with which a skilful player can make such melodious and heart-inflaming music, that all who hear him play, can scarcely hold from dancing; and yet behold the cymbal hath not life, neither comes the music from it, but because of the art of him that plays therewith; so then the instrument at last may come to nought and perish, though in times past such music hath been made upon it.
299. Just thus I saw it was, and will be, with them who have gifts, but want saving grace; they are in the hand of Christ, as the cymbal in the hand of DAVID: and as DAVID could with the cymbal make that mirth in the service of God, as to elevate the hearts of the worshippers, so Christ can use these gifted men, as with them to affect the souls of His people in His church; yet when He hath done all, hang them by, as lifeless, though sounding cymbals.
300. This consideration therefore, together with some others, were for the most part, as a maul on the head of pride, and desire of vain-glory. What, thought I, shall I be proud because I am a sounding brass? Is it so much to be a fiddle? hath not the least creature that hath life, more of God in it than these? Besides, I knew 'twas love should never die, but these must cease and vanish: so I concluded, a little grace, a little love, a little of the true fear of God, is better than all the gifts: yea, and I am fully convinced of it, that it is possible for souls that can scarce give a man an answer, but with great confusion as to method; I say, it is possible for them to have a thousand times more grace, and so to be more in the love and favour of the Lord, than some who by the virtue of the gift of knowledge, can deliver themselves like angels.
301. Thus therefore I came to perceive that, though gifts in themselves were good, to the thing for which they are designed, to wit, the edification of others; yet empty, and without power to save the soul of him that hath them, if they be ALONE: neither are they, as so, any sign of a man's state to be happy, being only a dispensation of God
295. But I thank the Lord, I have been kept from consenting to these so horrid suggestions, and have rather, as Sampson, bowed myself with all my might, to condemn sin and transgression, wherever I found it; yea, though therein also I did bring guilt upon my own conscience: LET ME DIE (thought I), WITH THE PHILISTINES, Judges xvi. 29, 30, rather than deal corruptly with the blessed word of God. THOU THAT TEACHEST ANOTHER, TEACHEST THOU NOT THYSELF? It is far better that thou do judge thyself, even by preaching plainly unto others, than that thou, to save thyself, imprison the truth in righteousness. Blessed be God for His help also in this.
296. I have also, while found in this blessed work of Christ, been often tempted to pride and liftings up of heart: and though I dare not say, I have not been affected with this, yet truly the Lord of His precious mercy, hath so carried it towards me, that for the most part I have had but small joy to give way to such a thing: for it hath been my every day's portion to be let into the evil of my own heart, and still made to see such a multitude of corruptions and infirmities therein, that it hath caused hanging down of the head under all my gifts and attainments; I have felt this thorn in the flesh, 2 Cor. xii. 8, 9, the very mercy of God to me.
297. I have also had, together with this, some notable place or other of the word presented before me, which word hath contained in it some sharp and piercing sentence concerning the perishing of the soul, notwithstanding gifts and parts: as, for instance, that hath been of great use to me: THOUGH I SPEAK WITH THE TONGUES OF MEN AND ANGELS, AND HAVE NOT CHARITY, I AM BECOME AS SOUNDING BRASS, AND A TINKLING CYMBAL. 1 Cor. xiii. 1, 2.
298. A tinkling cymbal is an instrument of music, with which a skilful player can make such melodious and heart-inflaming music, that all who hear him play, can scarcely hold from dancing; and yet behold the cymbal hath not life, neither comes the music from it, but because of the art of him that plays therewith; so then the instrument at last may come to nought and perish, though in times past such music hath been made upon it.
299. Just thus I saw it was, and will be, with them who have gifts, but want saving grace; they are in the hand of Christ, as the cymbal in the hand of DAVID: and as DAVID could with the cymbal make that mirth in the service of God, as to elevate the hearts of the worshippers, so Christ can use these gifted men, as with them to affect the souls of His people in His church; yet when He hath done all, hang them by, as lifeless, though sounding cymbals.
300. This consideration therefore, together with some others, were for the most part, as a maul on the head of pride, and desire of vain-glory. What, thought I, shall I be proud because I am a sounding brass? Is it so much to be a fiddle? hath not the least creature that hath life, more of God in it than these? Besides, I knew 'twas love should never die, but these must cease and vanish: so I concluded, a little grace, a little love, a little of the true fear of God, is better than all the gifts: yea, and I am fully convinced of it, that it is possible for souls that can scarce give a man an answer, but with great confusion as to method; I say, it is possible for them to have a thousand times more grace, and so to be more in the love and favour of the Lord, than some who by the virtue of the gift of knowledge, can deliver themselves like angels.
301. Thus therefore I came to perceive that, though gifts in themselves were good, to the thing for which they are designed, to wit, the edification of others; yet empty, and without power to save the soul of him that hath them, if they be ALONE: neither are they, as so, any sign of a man's state to be happy, being only a dispensation of God