Grace After Midnight_ A Memoir - Felicia Pearson [38]
That day came soon after I got released. The sex was real. I liked all that. I thought CO and I had it going on.
We went to the movies like a regular couple. We saw silly movies like Big Momma’s House and laughed our asses off. We saw scary movies like Scream 3 and action movies like Mission: Impossible II. Having a date, ordering a Coke and a box of buttered popcorn, holding hands, and sleeping all night with a lady I loved—these were good things.
But I soon learned that love outside the Cut is different than love inside the joint.
“Where were you yesterday?” CO asked.
“Talking to my parole officer,” I said.
“What about?”
“About getting me a job. You know, they got that re-entry program. I been trained real good to fill out applications. They taught me how to make a good impression during interviews.”
“Is your parole officer that tall woman with the big tits?” CO asked.
“I’m an ass man,” I reminded her.
“She likes girls, don’t she?”
“She married with two kids.”
“What difference does that make?”
“I’m just another case to her,” I said.
“I thought you said she likes you.”
“She does. But not the way you worried about.”
“I ain’t worried,” said CO.
“You sounding worried.”
“I just don’t see how it could take all day to meet with your parole officer.”
“Didn’t say it took all day.”
“Then what’d you do the rest of the day?” CO wanted to know.
“Helped Mama in the kitchen.”
“You didn’t go out?” she asked.
“I did go out.”
“Where to?”
“The store.”
“And then what’d you do?”
“Picked up a bitch with a big butt and fucked her brains out all afternoon.”
“You don’t need to be sarcastic,” said CO.
“But that’s what you worried about, ain’t it? You think I’m fucking someone behind your back. Well, I ain’t. I’m the loyal type.”
“I still wanna know where—”
“I ain’t answering no more questions,” I snapped. “You can believe whatever you wanna believe.”
Next day CO called and apologized. “There’s a movie that’s supposed to be funny,” she said, “called Miss Congeniality. Let’s go see it.”
I said fine.
We went to a gay bar afterward. CO was anything but Miss Congeniality.
“I don’t like the way that bitch over there is looking at you,” she said.
I said, “Ain’t shit I can do about it.”
“You don’t got to look back at her.”
“I wasn’t looking till you mentioned her.”
“Let’s get out of here,” said CO.
“We just got here.”
“If you stay, you’re staying alone.”
“I’m staying,” I said.
“’Cause you wanna pick up on that bitch, right?”
“’Cause I wanna finish my drink.”
“I got drinks at my place.”
“Then why the hell did we come to a bar?”
“It was your idea,” she said. “You wanted to check out the merchandise.”
“Fuck you,” I said.
“You chasing me off. Is that it?”
“I’m telling your bossy ass that I’m gonna sit here and finish my drink—that’s what I’m doing.”
“And I’m telling you it’s time we got outta here.”
That’s when I turned my back on CO.
“If I walk out that door now,” she threatened, “you’re never seeing me again.”
I didn’t say nothing.
“All those years you were in Grandma’s House,” she went on, “all that time we spent together—you willing to throw it away?”
Still didn’t say nothing.
“I’m telling you, Snoop, I’m demanding you leave with me right now.”
She put her hand on my shoulder.
I knocked her hand away.
No overbearing bitch was gonna put me in prison. I’d just got outta prison. That prison was made of concrete. CO’s prison was made of jealousy. Both prisons would make me miserable.
It was a tough lesson, but at least I was learning it early on:
Love inside the Cut one’s thing; outside it’s another.
BOYS DON’T CRY
Breaking up with CO didn’t put me in a bad mood. Being free to walk the streets and look for a job—man, that was enough to keep me happy 24/7.
I was gung-ho to follow up on this re-entry program and do myself proud. Living back at Mama’s house, I was doing everything right.
I’d turned over a new leaf and wanted to stay