Grail - Elizabeth Bear [55]
Jsutien tilted his head in a peculiarly familiar fashion, though Benedick could not place where he had seen the Astrogator strike that pose before. It was a suspicious, considering gesture, and Benedick filed it away for later contemplation.
“Congratulations, Chief Engineer,” said Jsutien.
“Your name was raised as well,” Benedick said. “But your position as Astrogator makes you difficult to replace.”
“Please,” Jsutien said. “Jordan should have it over me. Over just about anyone.”
Chelsea bit her lip, but nodded. “I am confident she will perform brilliantly.”
Jordan gave them both a half smile. She would have to learn not to be so transparently grateful for approval. “The vote of confidence is more appreciated than you know. I am honored to be selected, Prince Benedick, and I will do whatever work is necessary to support my Captain and her ship.”
“Good,” Benedick said. “If that’s settled, once we’re finished here, Nova will have information for you—a briefing, I am told, from her memories of Hero Ng—and Mallory is preparing the memories of Chief Engineers past to administer to you.”
“Blackest necromancy,” Jordan said, licking her lips. “All right, then. It’s probably best over quickly?”
She did not look as if she were anticipating having the skills and selected memories of generations of Engineers downloaded into her colony. But the instant expertise was necessary to the job and would serve them well. She would accept it, as Caitlin had accepted it before her.
As Nova had accepted the ghosts of Dust and Samael—and Rien—when she grew out of the shards of other things into an Angel. As Perceval has swallowed down Ariane and Alasdair and Gerald to become Captain.
It was how you learned and grew and internalized the knowledge of those who had gone before you. No matter how bitter, you gagged it down, and hoped you didn’t choke.
“I find,” Benedick said, “that such things generally are. Sometimes time to consider only makes the whole thing worse.”
There was too much work to do to sit here missing Caitlin. He laid his hands flat on the lip of the tank, pushing himself to his feet. More than anything, he wanted to be with Tristen, hunting down Caitlin’s murderer and making him pay in blood and heartache for the thing he had taken from Benedick—a thing so profound that Benedick could not yet even feel its loss.
But he was too close and it was too soon. The shock and silence that echoed through the collapsed caverns of his self meant that he was exactly the wrong person to run the investigation—or even to participate in it. A bitter truth, but one an old man had too much experience not to accept. All those rules about objectivity existed for a reason.
Vengeance was a dish best served by those with no vested interest in seeing it carried out.
Benedick tipped his head back so that his skull dropped almost to his shoulders, easing the pain and tightness across his neck that even his colony could not dull.
Damn it all to hell. He had his own work, and this was the time to be doing it. “Our next item of business is to consider Engine’s role in coming events.”
Jordan glanced at the others. Benedick could see her coming to the realization that these people—all her elders—were waiting for her to speak first.
This was, he thought, a test.
She must have realized that as well, because he saw her take a breath. And then she said, in a voice that hardly shook at all, “As I see it, there are three primary possibilities. Either we will need to break the world down for materials—in the event that we are permitted to stay; we will need to refit her for war—in the event that we choose to fight for a place here; or we will need to repair and rebuild her, to make her spaceworthy