Growing Up Laughing_ My Story and the Story of Funny - Marlo Thomas [56]
Joan: I didn’t know. I was one of the lucky ones who had no choice. And I don’t mean that melodramatically. But at this age you can look back and get it. I knew I wanted to be in the business and I knew that’s where I was going.
Marlo: But you were failing everywhere—even your parents begged you to stop.
Joan: Yeah, I know, it’s not rational. It was like drugs, and in my case, it’s my drug of choice.
Marlo: When did you know you were funny?
Joan: I didn’t know I was funny. I just knew I had to perform.
Marlo: Were your parents funny?
Joan: My whole family was funny. My father was very witty. He was a doctor, but he would tell great stories about his patients. I think it’s all truly DNA. You don’t just say, “Oh, gee, I’m going to become funny.” You just see the world . . . differently.
Marlo: How about your mother?
Joan: She was the only one in my family who wasn’t funny. She would always say—and it was so sweet—“I’m an appreciator.”
Marlo: Did being an appreciator make her encourage you?
Joan: In comedy? Oh, God no! None of them did. They didn’t want me in the business. They didn’t want me to be an actress, and couldn’t even say the word “comedian.” To them it was the lowest rung on the show-biz ladder. Even when I was already hosting The Tonight Show, my mother would still say, “Joan is basically a writer.”
Marlo: You often talk about comedy in such a violent way: Comedy is a medium for revenge, humor is a gun.
Joan: That’s because comedy comes out of anger. Comedy comes out of “I’ll show you.” Comedy comes out of “You’ll be sorry.” The minute somebody is having a wonderful, soft life, they’re not so funny anymore.
Marlo: You’re still funny.
Joan: My life has always been rough.
Marlo: Even now?
Joan: Oh, absolutely. Always. Now I’m fighting the age barrier. They tell me, “You’re great, but you’re not the demographic.” I think one of the reasons I did Celebrity Apprentice was to say, “I can still take you with one hand behind my back.” And I was so glad to have won because of that. Literally to say, “Enough, stop writing people off!”
Marlo: You like to make fun of older women being with younger men.
Joan: Yeah, I do a lot of cougar jokes. I mean, what’s with these older women? I don’t want to wake up in the morning, look over and say, “Is this my date or did I give birth last night?” That’s not what I’m looking for.
Marlo: You’ve referred to yourself as a lion tamer when you’re on stage. More violence.
Joan: Absolutely. I think any actor or performer has to be in command. You have to be the strongest and they have to pay attention. You don’t want an audience talking during you.
Marlo: I have this vision of you with a chair and a whip.
Joan: Just about. You have to say, “I’m here and we’re all going to have a good time, but you will be quiet and listen to me.”
Marlo: And why should we listen to you?
Joan: Because I’m the funniest, and because you paid your money to see me.
Marlo: Why do you say, “Never trust an audience”?
Joan: Because you can’t. Bill Cosby told me this a long time ago. He said the audience decides collectively if they like you or don’t like you, every time you walk on the stage. You must never think, Oh they adore me, so they’ll adore me tonight. No, no, no, no. Bill said—and it’s so smart—“If they don’t know you, they give you three minutes. If they do know you, they give you five.”
Marlo: How do you handle a heckler?
Joan: I saw Sinatra do something once, so I just copied him. Someone was heckling him—and yelling and talking during him—so he just walked over, gave the guy the microphone and said, “You think they’d rather hear you? Here—go do it. I’ll be back.” And he walked off stage.
Marlo: That’s brilliant. You’re known for saying very funny but insulting Don Rickles kinds of things . . .
Joan: But it’s never directed at the audience. I have great respect for my audience. Nobody got all dressed