Growing Up Laughing_ My Story and the Story of Funny - Marlo Thomas [58]
Marlo: Okay . . .
Joan: So Helen Keller has one story: “I put my hand under the water and I went wa-wa.” Which is good for Friday night—but come Sunday morning, it’s like, “Okay, we heard it, Helen.” You can’t even tell her to shut up.
Marlo: You’re vicious! Let’s talk about marriage. I didn’t realize that you were married before Edgar. How long did that last?
Joan: About seven months. As I’ve said, “Our marriage license turned out to be a learner’s permit.” It was all about I don’t think I have the courage to go on and do what I want to do. I knew it was bad for me. While I was married to him, I wouldn’t go to the theatre. I just couldn’t bear to go and see live performing because I wanted it so much.
Marlo: How sad.
Joan: When it was finally over, it was truly like getting out of jail. Years later he called me up and wanted to meet me, and I took a vote. My entire body voted.
Marlo: And what was the verdict?
Joan: A hundred percent no way. “Come on, toes! Everyone’s gotta vote here!”
Marlo: “Come on, toes”—that’s funny. It’s what you said—“Personal truth is the foundation of comedy.”
Joan: Oh, it has to be. Comedy has got to come right from the gut. And that makes all the difference in the world.
Marlo: And what are you saying about age in your act now that’s right from the gut?
Joan: How horrible it is. How I hate old people—especially old people who buy in bulk. “What are you doing with eighteen jars of mayonnaise at Costco? You’re not even going to make it through the checkout line!”
Marlo: You’re so funny.
Joan: As long as you talk about what you really experience, audiences know you’re telling the truth.
Marlo: And how did you deal with that when you were coming back from losing Edgar?
Joan: Oh, I talked about it immediately—I had to. You can’t come on stage with this elephant in the room and not mention that your husband has committed suicide.
Marlo: How did you?
Joan: I would come out and say, “I’ve had some year. You think you’ve had a year, don’t start with me because I’ve had a worse year than you, okay? My husband committed suicide.” My joke was “And it was my fault. While we were making love, I took the bag off my head.”
Marlo: Oh, God . . .
Joan: But it gave them relief, you know what I’m saying? We all knew it. I knew they knew it. And we were able to go on from there. I work everything out on stage.
Marlo: Did your daughter, Melissa, ever get mad at you for making jokes about her in your act when she was younger?
Joan: She was never the butt of my jokes. Same with Edgar. I made myself the butt of their jokes.
Marlo: Like?
Joan: Like, “On my wedding night I came out of the bathroom and Edgar said, ‘Let me help you with the buttons,’ and I said, ‘I’m naked.’ ” It always came back on me.
Marlo: Your whole career—your life—is about being a survivor.
Joan: It’s mountain after mountain, Marlo. And the mountain at this moment is the age thing, and staying relevant.
Marlo: Do you think you’ll do a book on aging now?
Joan: I don’t know—I still don’t feel old. But people say to me, “You should really think about selling your apartment.” I say, “Are you crazy?” And then I think, What would I tell a seventy-six-year-old woman? I would say, “Sell your apartment.”
Marlo: Will you?
Joan: Probably, because my life has changed.
Marlo: And will that new life sit well with Joan Rivers, lion tamer?
Joan: It will be fine. Cindy Adams, Barbara Walters and I have talked about this. We want to live at the Pierre Hotel, have three apartments on the same floor—and share one nurse. It’s our dream.
Marlo: What a dream.
Joan: And we’ll have one person to walk all of our dogs. We’ll have a very good time.
Chapter 30
Obsession
The saying goes, “Dying is easy, comedy is hard.” I think that’s what makes comedy such an obsession. And you have to be an obsessive to work in it. Fixing, honing, scratching out. You know it when you hear it. And until you can hear it, you can’t stop.
I remember when we were shooting