Guys Read_ Funny Business_ Artemis Begins - Eoin Colfer [3]
“Mom is wishing that was your neck,” said Donal to Niall with a merry wink.
“Niall,” called Mom. “Niall!”
Her eyes swept up the stairs, following the trail of mud, and just before her gaze rested on the culprit, Donal decided that it was time for the signal.
In one violent motion, Donal elbowed Niall off the top step and sent him tumbling down the stairs.
“Scream, grasshopper,” he called after his rapidly descending brother. “Scream your little lungs out.”
Niall did not need to be told twice; in fact he didn’t need to be told once. He screamed with great gusto and in genuine fright, pausing only to take a mouthful of carpet at every revolution. Down and down he went, making a xylophone of the banister posts with his legs, bashing the air from his lungs. And when he finally came to rest at my mother’s feet, the fury was whipped from her face like a tissue in the wind and replaced by maternal concern.
“My baby!” she cried, sinking to her knees, cradling Niall’s head, the broken award utterly forgotten. “My baaaaby!”
On the top step, Donal surveyed the scene with some satisfaction. He had, he knew, saved Niall’s hide while simultaneously securing his place in local legend.
He shot a salute down to his bleeding baby brother and whispered, “You’re welcome.”
Donal actually patted himself on the back, then turned to me and said, “Did you get that, writer gimp? I am the biggest genius wot you shall ever meet. You should do a book about me.”
I could only stare in awe. There was no doubt that he was an evil genius, but likable, too. A curious mixture. Surely people would like to read about a boy like this.
And the seeds for the Artemis Fowl series were sewn.
The following day, Mom remembered the broken award, and Niall was grounded with no TV for a month. Donal never mentions that part.
Guys E-Read
Guys read in all sorts of different ways. This digital edition of the Funny Business story you just read is one of those ways.
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Biographies
EOIN COLFER (“Artemis Begins”) is the author of the phenomenally successful Artemis Fowl series, as well as many other books for kids. Before he started writing, he was an elementary school teacher. He knew he wanted to write from a young age, however—ever since he first started reading Viking stories in school. His first name, in case you were wondering, is pronounced “Owen.” He lives in Ireland. You can visit him at www.eoincolfer.com.
SELECTED TITLES
ARTEMIS FOWL and its sequels: THE ARCTIC INCIDENT, THE
ETERNITY CODE, THE OPAL DECEPTION, THE LOST COLONY,
THE TIME PARADOX, and THE ATLANTIS COMPLEX
THE SUPERNATURALIST
AIRMAN
JON SCIESZKA (editor and coauthor, “Your Question for Author Here”) has been writing books for children ever since he took time off from his career as an elementary school teacher. He wanted to create funny books that kids would want to read. Once he got going, he never stopped. He is the author of numerous picture books, middle grade series, and even a memoir. From 2007–2010 he served as the first National Ambassador for Children’s Literature, appointed by the Library of Congress. Since 2004, Jon has been actively promoting his interest in getting boys to read through his Guys Read initiative and website. Born in Flint, Michigan, Jon