Gypsy - Lesley Pearse [41]
‘Women do get weary.’ Mrs Langworthy sighed. ‘I know I should be counting my blessings, I’ve got a lovely home and a kind husband, but you see, I always counted on having children, and now it doesn’t seem as if I’m ever going to be blessed with any. I didn’t let myself think about it too much when my father-in-law was alive, I had too much to do. But now I can’t stop thinking about it. I feel so sad.’
Beth felt a little uncomfortable hearing this. To her Mrs Langworthy had a perfect life, and she thought she ought to go down to some of the squalid courts in the Scotland district of Liverpool and see how life was for the women there.
Perhaps her mistress picked up her thoughts because she reached out and put her hand over Beth’s. ‘I’m sorry, my dear, I was forgetting how much sadness you’ve had in your young life. Whatever must you think of me?’
‘I think of you as the very nicest, kindest person in the world,’ Beth replied truthfully. ‘You took us in when we had no one else to turn to. I’ll always be so grateful for that.’
‘You’ve more than repaid me,’ Mrs Langworthy said. ‘But tell me, Beth, don’t you ever feel aggrieved that you were burdened with Molly?’
Beth looked down at her sister and smiled because she’d fallen asleep with her thumb in her mouth. ‘I haven’t ever seen her as a burden,’ she said. ‘Maybe I’m tied, I have to think about what’s right for her, instead of me, but I don’t feel aggrieved about it.’
‘That’s a very selfless attitude,’ Mrs Langworthy said. ‘But tell me, have you and Sam had any more thoughts about going to America?’
Beth’s heart sank, sure that this was Mrs Langworthy’s way of getting around to telling her she was no longer needed. ‘It’s never out of Sam’s thoughts,’ she said carefully. ‘But since Mr Langworthy died, I have been rather more troubled about our position here. With so much less laundry, you won’t be needing me any more.’
‘Not need you!’ Her mistress looked shocked. ‘Of course I’ll still need you. You didn’t surely think I would put you out?’
‘You mean I can stay on with Molly?’
‘Of course, my dear. It never even crossed my mind to dismiss you. You are invaluable — I know you have always done jobs that weren’t really yours.’
‘Thank you so much, mam, I was so scared of what might become of us,’ Beth admitted. ‘And it will make it so much easier for me to let Sam go to America on his own. You see, I’d come to the conclusion that was the right thing to do. Then maybe in a few years’ time, when he’s settled, Molly and I could join him there.’
‘But you could go with him now if you left Molly with us.’
Beth looked hard at her mistress, a little puzzled by what she’d said.
‘I couldn’t do that,’ she said. ‘It’s not as if I could be back in just a couple of weeks.’
‘I didn’t mean just minding her for a few weeks,’ Mrs Langworthy said, looking intently at Beth. ‘I meant permanently.’
Beth was so shocked her mouth fell open. ‘Permanently?’
‘Don’t look so startled, Beth! Surely you can see this is the best possible solution for you and Sam? My husband and I would love her as our own, she’d live in this lovely house, go to the best schools and never want for anything.’
Beth was scandalized. ‘But she’s my flesh and blood!’
‘But that’s all the more reason to let us ensure she has a good life,’ Mrs Langworthy said, two bright red spots of colour appearing on her cheeks as if she were feverish. ‘When I was a girl I knew several big families that allowed one or two of their children to go and live with a wealthier relative. It was common practice.’
Beth also knew people who had done this. ‘But you aren’t a relative,’ she pointed out. ‘I couldn’t let Molly grow up thinking I gave her away!’
‘I wasn’t for one moment suggesting that you sever all connection with her.’ Mrs Langworthy looked affronted. ‘You could write to her, come back and visit her. I would tell her I was her guardian, I would never claim to be her mother. She could call me Aunt Ruth.’
Beth felt as if someone had opened a trapdoor beneath