Gypsy - Lesley Pearse [43]
Above all else he wanted Beth to have a good life, a loving husband and children of her own. But she wasn’t going to get that with Molly in tow, for people would always think she was Beth’s illegitimate child. Beth could hope for nothing more than being a servant, and she deserved better than that.
But how could he convince his sister that he wasn’t just thinking of himself?
‘I could go to America, then send for you once I’m settled,’ he said. ‘But I don’t want to go without you, Beth. And now this has come up with the Langworthys, how are they going to be with us if we turn them down? What if they ask us to leave? What then?’
‘They won’t do that,’ Beth said quickly, but she looked at Sam questioningly. ‘Will they?’
‘I don’t know,’ he admitted. ‘Mr Edward might feel that Molly’s presence upsets his wife. People do turn nasty when they don’t get what they want.’
Sam decided he would stop at that. Beth knew only too well that they would never find another place like this to live. Nor was she likely to find another job where Molly was welcome. She was intelligent enough to take that into account when she made her decision.
That night Sam couldn’t sleep, for he knew Beth was lying awake in the next room worrying. They had talked round and round the subject, and he sensed that Beth knew in her heart that for Molly, giving her to the Langworthys was the kindest thing they could do. The events and struggles of the last year had taught them both how precarious life could be. They didn’t have to stray far from Falkner Square to see how easy it was to fall into the abyss of poverty.
But Sam was also aware that Beth couldn’t be entirely rational because she loved Molly so much. She wasn’t able to think as he could, of herself, to get excited by the prospect of freedom and adventure. Or even to believe that maybe once Molly was grown up she could come out and join them in America.
And despite all he’d said tonight, and in the past, Sam had looked in on Molly asleep in the room next door before he went to bed, and his heart had swelled with affection for her. He couldn’t imagine a day without seeing those big brown eyes, hearing her merry chuckles and watching her toddling around the room. He had done his best not to let his heart become engaged, but he had failed, and it wouldn’t be only Beth who felt the pain of parting.
Beth woke him the following morning as she always did. Her eyes were red and she was very pale. She handed him a cup of tea and sat down on the end of his bed.
‘Will you come home this afternoon?’ she asked.
It was Saturday, and Sam finished work at the shipping office at noon. Usually he visited friends in the afternoon and went straight to the Adelphi in the early evening.
‘If you want me to,’ he said.
‘I do. I want you to come over to the house and talk to Mr Langworthy about Molly,’ she said, her voice cracking with emotion. ‘If he really wants this as much as his wife does, then I think it’s best we agree to it.’
A lump came up in Sam’s throat, for he knew how much pain she was in. He couldn’t bring himself to offer any platitudes. ‘I’ll come straight home,’ he said. ‘You are so brave, Beth.’
‘It’s not brave. Brave would be taking her to America with us or walking out of here with my nose in the air. But I got to thinking what Papa would have made of this. I believe he would have said we should give Molly what is best for her.’
Sam privately thought that as his father hadn’t considered his own children when he killed himself, he would have had no views on this situation, but he kept that to himself. ‘Yes, I think he would too.’ He nodded. ‘But before we agree, we must get them to promise they tell Molly about us and make sure she writes to us when she’s old enough.’
Beth’s eyes filled up with fresh tears. ‘I think we should say it has to be done quickly too. I couldn’t bear to have to wait weeks with this hanging over us.’
‘I’ve got enough for our passages now,’ Sam replied. ‘But only