Half Moon Investigations - Eoin Colfer [11]
‘Only one way to find out,’ said Mrs Quinn, bright-eyed. She flicked the door light from red to green.
As the door closed behind me, I didn’t know who to be sorry for, Mrs Quinn or whoever was next in to see her. In the hallway, a senior infant with tousled hair and a bloody nose was sucking his thumb.
‘Enter,’ howled the principal at the top of her voice.
Larry and Adam took up the howl until it echoed down the corridor.
MOON ON THE CASE
My mother worries about me. She worries that I’m not going to grow or that I’m going to hit a spurt and cost her a fortune in new clothes. She worries that I don’t have many friends and she worries about my fascination with crime.
I try to smile when she’s around to show how happy I am, but I’m not really a smiler, so she knows I’m faking. So then I don’t smile and she follows me around asking what’s wrong.
That day, when she came to my room to check homework, I was able to tell her something that made her happy for once.
‘I’m going over to April Devereux’s house after dinner.’
Mam was ecstatic. ‘Oh my God. April Devereux. April and May are the cutest names. It takes a lot of guts, as a parent, to give your children names like that, but if they turn out pretty, it’s worth the risk. What are you going to say?’
‘Nothing. I’m going to listen. April wants to talk to me.’
Mam waved her hands in the air in thanks. ‘April Devereux wants to talk to my little Fletcher. She’s so pretty. Perfect. You have to say something, honey. You can’t sit there nodding for the evening.’
I was beginning to wish I hadn’t mentioned my appointment.
‘I will respond to the situation, Mam. Whatever comes up.’
Mam drew a horrified breath. ‘Oh no, you don’t. I know how you respond to situations, Fletcher Moon. You make one of your observational deductions. You told your cousin Aoife that she had a calcium deficiency.’
‘She had. There were white spots on her nails. I was just trying to help.’
Mam shook me by the shoulders, then squeezed me tight. ‘Trust me, honey. That isn’t what girls want to hear. Just tell us we look fabulous as often as possible.’
I frowned. ‘Even if it’s not true?’
Mam pulled three of my shirts from the wardrobe. ‘Especially if it’s not true. Now, which one?’
I pointed to a plain black shirt, which I would wear with plain black jeans. Be invisible.
‘Mam, you should maybe calm down a little. It’s not a social call. April wants my help. She’s a client. And she’s only ten.’
Mam rolled her eyes. ‘Men. Such simpletons. Honestly. Do you think I told your father that I thought he was handsome? No, I told him I needed his help with Leaving Cert physics.’
‘And Dad fell for that?’
‘Of course he did. He wanted to fall for it, and I didn’t even take physics.’
Mam was an interior decorator who ran her own business from the garage. Dad was a computer engineer with a local company that made memory boards. They were an unlikely match. Science and art. Heart and hand.
My sister, Hazel, stomped into my room, not bothering to knock. She was fifteen, an aspiring writer and full-time drama queen. Hazel could be found at any given hour either hunched over her antique typewriter or fending off the droves of adolescent boys that she attracted with her fine features and blonde hair. Fending off all except her beloved Stevie.
Hazel took a sheet of paper from her bag.
‘I need your professional opinion, Fletcher,’ she said, handing me the folded note. Hazel was perhaps the only person in the world who took my profession seriously. Except perhaps April Devereux, now.
I unfolded the paper and read a note from Hazel’s boyfriend.
Dear Hazel,
I am so sorry about the cinema last night.
Dad made me stay in and write my history assignment about the Battle of the Somme in the Second World War.
I will make it up to you. Next weekend let me take you for dinner to Le Bistro. My treat .
xxxxx
Stevie
I rubbed the page between my fingers, then smelt it.
‘Well?’ demanded Hazel. ‘What do you think?’
I scratched my chin. ‘I would have to say dump him.’
Hazel stamped her foot. ‘I knew it,’ she whined.