Half Moon Investigations - Eoin Colfer [31]
‘Forget what I said earlier,’ he said. ‘From now on investigating is completely banned. Your licence is revoked. You are a twelve-year-old boy, Fletcher. When are you going to start to act normally?’
That hurt more than my broken nose. I knew I was a bit different, but never thought of myself as abnormal.
‘This is normal,’ I whispered. ‘For me. I can’t make myself good at sports.’
Dad stopped pacing. ‘That’s not what I mean. I don’t want you to be me. You can be yourself, but couldn’t you do that without the cloak and dagger?’
Mam tugged my toe. ‘Come on now, Fletcher. Promise us you’ll forget all about this silly investigation.’
I opened my mouth and nothing came out but air. How could I make a promise that I couldn’t keep? I had to know what was going on here. Curiosity had me in a vice. With every breath I thought about the case.
I was saved by the arrival of the family solicitor, Terry Malone. He handled all the family paperwork, then I checked it for mistakes. If Terry were Santa Claus’s lawyer, Father Christmas would be doing several life sentences for breaking and entering.
‘Well, OK, then,’ said Terry once he had switched on his recorder. ‘Let’s go over this story again.’
I sighed. ‘Last night I was assaulted outside the house. I had a theory that Red Sharkey could be responsible, so I nipped across to May’s house to photograph the evidence.’
‘Which was?’
‘A bruise spelling out his name. Backwards.’
Terry fished a disposable camera from his tweed jacket pocket.
‘Could we see this bruise?’
Mam’s knees almost give out. ‘You most certainly could not,’ she shrieked. ‘It’s under the cast’
‘Oh,’ said Terry, disappointed. ‘So what made you decide to torch May’s dance costume? Do you have a history of pyromania?’
‘I did not torch anything,’ I spluttered indignantly.
‘Of course you didn’t, honey,’ said Mam, slapping the lawyer’s shoulder. ‘Why would you say that, Terry?’
‘You know what the police are like,’ said Terry innocently. ‘Arguing over every little point. Anyway, I was hoping Fletcher would tell me the truth this time.’
‘I am telling you the truth,’ I protested, a touch too shrilly.
‘Well, then, why were you roaring and screaming outside the neighbour’s window?’
‘I was at the wrong house.’
‘Do you really expect anyone to believe that you went to the wrong house, when you visited the correct house only the day before yesterday?’
‘It was dark. They both had fountains.’ Weak. Pathetic.
‘OK,’ sighed Terry. ‘Let’s move on. How do you explain the fact that you were found beside the fire, holding a torch?’
That very same question had been gnawing at me.
‘He must have put me there.’
‘Who?’
‘The real arsonist. Keep up, Mr Malone.’ I was starting to sound guilty, even to myself.
‘OK, OK. So, the arsonist dragged you to the fire, then what?’
‘Then he put the torch in my hand and left me for the police.’
Terry consulted his notes. ‘That’s what you told me on the phone. At least you can keep your story straight. You wouldn’t believe how many of my clients can’t tell the same story twice.’
‘It’s not a story, it’s the truth.’
Terry smiled wistfully. ‘If I had a penny…’
The throbbing in my head moved up a few cycles.
‘Their case is flimsy,’ I said. ‘There’s no real evidence.’
Terry winced. ‘Apart from motive, means, opportunity, fingerprints and DNA.’
I cracked momentarily. ‘What do you want, Terry? Tell me and I’ll give it a go. Do you want me to pull a rabbit out of my splint as a witness? Or maybe I could rewind time and we could have a look at the action replay? How about that?’
I’m ashamed to say that I followed this outburst with a bout of hysterical laughter. Not just little chuckles either, these were big lusty howls. When I had recovered sufficiently to peep between my fingers, Terry was regarding me with new respect.
‘Insanity,’ he said. ‘I like it.’
JAILBREAK
After a few days of suspicious looks from the nurses, Doctor Brendan took off my splint and cast.
‘No concussion,’ he declared. ‘And the X-rays for skull fractures came back negative. Did you ever