Half Moon Street - Anne Perry [84]
She could not go on like this. She must do something, now, before it was too late. Caroline must never know. She was left with no choice. All the old panic and despair were back, the familiar darkness inside her, eating away at her heart, closing her in, unutterably alone.
Damn Samuel Ellison for coming from America, where he was safely out of her life. Damn Alys for being beautiful and brave and in control of everything. She had gone—just left. But there was nowhere for Mariah to go. She was not young and healthy with a lovely face. She was old, stiff, bone-weary, and terrified. What would so-lovely, so-clever Alys do if she were here now?
She would do something! She would not sit waiting for the ax to fall like some helpless rabbit. Then not only would the old lady be despised for what was known, she would despise herself for letting it happen. That was the worst of it, the self-loathing.
But how could she stop it?
It took all the resolve she possessed to go down to the breakfast table. But she could not spend the rest of her life in her bedroom. She had to appear sometime. Joshua would be present at this hour of the day, and that would prevent Caroline from chattering on and on endlessly about Samuel Ellison, and somehow she would contrive to speak to him alone. She must. She dare not leave it any longer.
The usual greeting and enquiries dealt with, she forced herself to take tea and toast.
“Have you heard from Thomas lately?” Joshua said, turning to Caroline.
“Not for over a week,” she replied. “I imagine he is very busy with the death of that man found at Horseferry Stairs. It was mentioned in the newspapers again. It seems he was a very famous society photographer.”
“Delbert Cathcart,” he said, taking more toast and reaching for the apricot preserves. “He was brilliant.”
“One wonders why anyone should wish to kill him,” Caroline continued, pushing the butter dish across the table for Joshua. “Envy? Perhaps jealousy over some private matter?”
“Do you mean a lover?” he asked with a smile. “Why are you being so delicate?”
She flushed very slightly. “That sort of thing,” she conceded.
It was an opening. The old lady did not hesitate.
“When people practice immorality it very often ends in disaster,” she said distinctly. “If people would remember that, we should be able to get rid of half the misery in the world!” She was startled to hear the bitterness in her own voice. She had meant it for Caroline, but waves of loathing were thick in it as well, carrying a passion she would rather not have revealed.
Joshua was staring at her. He had heard it and was puzzled.
She looked away.
“It may simply have been robbery,” Caroline said calmly. “The poor man was out late, and what was intended merely to take his watch or money became more violent than expected. Perhaps he fought.”
“Are you suggesting he brought it upon himself ?” Mariah demanded. “He fought, so he deserved to be murdered?” She did not want this line of thought. “Sometimes your ideas of right and wrong confuse me.” She aimed that remark at Caroline.
“I am not talking about right or wrong,” Caroline said impatiently. “Only about probability.”
“That should not surprise me,” the old lady retorted. She did not explain what she meant. Their looks of confusion satisfied her.
The meal continued for some time in silence.
“Warriner has withdrawn his bill,” Joshua said finally.
Mariah had no idea what he was talking about, but from his expression she deduced that it displeased him intensely. She did not ask.
“I’m sorry,” Caroline said quietly. “I suppose it was to be expected.”
Joshua grimaced. “Part of me says it is providence. They should wait for a better time. The other part says it is cowardice and we should make our own time. We could wait forever.”
Mariah’s curiosity was piqued. On a different occasion she would have asked what they were taking about. Now other matters were crowding far too urgently in her mind. She must contrive to speak to Joshua alone. One thing he had