Halo_ Evolutions - Essential Tales of the Halo Universe - Eric Nylund [14]
It was true that he was insanely strong. Early on, in a fit of frustration, he punched the wall in his room and was surprised when his fist tore through the metal panel as if it were thin plaster. He moved the bed so its post partially hid the damage and was careful from then on out.
It’s not hopeless, he started to think as time went on. He was stronger than he’d ever been—faster, too, despite his awkward gait. And even if his arms and legs had suffered somewhat he still had everything he needed to be an excellent soldier, better than any normal, unmodified human. I’m still a Spartan, he told himself.
BUT NOT everyone, he found, agreed. When he tried to report back for active duty, CPO Mendez took a long, hard look at him and then said, in a voice gentler than any Soren had heard him use, “Walk with me, son.”
They went down the hall together, an odd pair: Mendez straight and tall, his stride brisk and confident, Soren massive, but hunched and leaning, weaving as he went.
“Sweet William?” Mendez asked him, taking out a cigar.
Soren, looking surprised, shook his head.
“Ah,” said Mendez, after first biting off the ends, “sometimes it’s difficult for me to remember that you’re all only boys. Filthy habit, this. Don’t start it young.”
“Yes, sir,” said Soren.
Mendez got the cigar lit and sucked on it hard. The end glowed red and then ashed over, the smoke slowly oozing out of his nostrils. “I can’t do it, son,” he said.
“Can’t do what?” asked Soren.
“I can’t have you in active service.”
“But I’m strong,” said Soren. “I’m even stronger than the other Spartans, and almost as fast as some of them. I can keep up and I’m smart and . . .” Seeing the stern expression on Mendez’s face, he let himself trail off.
“Nobody doubts your courage, son. And I for one don’t doubt your ability. But if I put you in a team with the other Spartans, you know what’ll happen?”
“What, sir?”
“They’ll always be thinking about the ones who didn’t make it, the ones that died while they went on. They’ll feel a special obligation to look out for you and keep you alive that will affect their ability to perform. It’ll hurt their focus, keep them from having that edge when they really need it. Right now, without you, they all move and think in a similar way. They work like a well-oiled machine. But there’s something to be said for the symmetry they display, the instinctual camaraderie. You’re good, no doubt about that—hell, I could see that on the day you woke up and went apeshit—but being on a team with other Spartans just isn’t going to happen.”
“Respectfully, sir—”
“Plus body armor,” Mendez said. “It just won’t fit you. Plus the difficulty of firing a weapon with that hand. No,” he said, stubbing the Sweet William out on the floor. He reached out and put his hand on Soren’s shoulder, looked him straight in the eye. From his look, Soren suddenly could see how hard it was for Mendez to say all he was saying, that he wished things could be different. “I’m sorry, son. Just be patient and maybe something will come along for you. But this, this just isn’t it.”
“CPO MENDEZ is right,” said Dr. Halsey, just as he’d known she would. “He doesn’t mean to hurt you, but he has to do what’s best for the rest of the recruits and for the program.”
“But it’s not what’s best for me,” said Soren.
“Who says it isn’t?” asked Dr. Halsey. “It’s not what you want, but that doesn’t mean it’s not what’s best for you.”
“I want to serve,” he said. “I don’t want to be left behind.”
“I’m sorry, Soren,” she said. “You can’t serve in this way. You’ll be able to serve, but not in a combat position.”
“All I want is to be given the choice,” he said. “You always were willing to give me a choice in the past. Can’t you do it again this time?”
She shook her head. “I’m sorry, Soren. Not this time.”
SEVEN
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Later, when he thought back to it, he