Happily Ever After_ - Benison Anne O'Reilly [118]
‘Children are more resilient than you think. I lost my father very young. At least her dad is still alive.’
‘Yeah, I guess so…’
After we’d finished dinner he walked me back to my car. And I said sorry again.
‘No, I have to accept some responsibility for this. You suggested we use protection.’
When we got to the car he made a move to kiss me goodbye but hesitated halfway. We both retreated awkwardly, looking more like two virginal teenagers than the mature grown-ups we supposedly were. I escaped to my car, opened my hand in a quick wave, and drove off.
Things had gone much better than I’d expected: there had been no denial, no anger, no accusations. So why did I feel so much worse than before? I drove on a little way before the answer came to me, an answer so blindingly obvious it should have whacked me across the face. It was because there had been no denial and no anger and no accusations. There was no mystery man. He was who he’d always said he was.
And now I had to tell my husband.
After I was sure Issy was fast asleep, I rang him on his mobile. I knew he was in London on a layover, and the time difference meant it would be mid-morning. On this occasion I was glad to have an excuse not to impart the information face-to-face. His phone rang out before going to voicemail. Phew, I thought, leaving a non-committal message.
Ah, but my reprieve was all too temporary. He called back almost immediately.
‘Hi,’ he said eagerly, ‘you wanted to speak to me? Are you finally reconsidering? I miss you both so much.’
‘No I’m not reconsidering. I’m sorry about keeping you apart from Isabel but our marriage is over. Anyway, by the time we finish this conversation I promise you won’t want me back.’
There was a slight delay on the line.
‘What do you mean?’
I took a deep breath for the second time that night and said, ‘I’m pregnant.’
‘What? I don’t understand…isn’t that more of a reason for us to get back together?’
‘You may not be the father.’
There was another delay.
‘Do you mean that you are already seeing someone else?’ His tone had changed.
‘No, I mean I had a…brief relationship…with someone else while we were still together…but when I thought we were going to split up.’
‘So all that time you let me crawl and grovel in front of you, and you…you were just as bad.’
‘Others can be the judge of whether I was just as bad. I had a brief relationship when I thought my marriage was over - not one that lasted years, one where I’d constructed a complete other life for myself…’
‘You can split hairs if you like…I can’t believe this…Well you are right about one thing. I don’t want you back. And I don’t want anything to do with this kid even if it does turn out to be mine.’
Then he hung up.
That was too easy. An hour or so later he rang back. I was tempted not to answer, but knowing that would only inflame things I clenched my teeth in preparation for the onslaught.
Thousands of kilometres might have separated us but his anger was there with me in the room.
‘You know I’m good at maths. You weren’t obviously showing when you left here, which means the latest you could have got pregnant was November - or October at a pinch - so despite what you say, you could not have had this “relationship” whilst we were on the verge of splitting up.’
I was silent for a while. ‘Okay I had one slip up.’
‘On the night of your dinner dance, wasn’t it? Some slip up - you went out fully intending to…’
‘No, I don’t expect you to believe me but I wasn’t intending for anything to happen that night. I only wanted to talk to him.’
‘Yeah, you were