Happily Ever After_ - Benison Anne O'Reilly [23]
Again I knew I’d have to be patient. I started dropping a few hints in Tony’s direction but he carefully deflected them away. It wasn’t that he didn’t want children - we had discussed this before marriage - but he was worried we wouldn’t be able to manage the mortgage on a single income. He was on a good but hardly spectacular wage at this time. The really big bucks only come with the captain’s stripes and we knew that with Qantas’s rigid seniority system promotion was still some years away.
Although, as it turned out, Tony came around to the idea sooner than I expected. Two things happened to change his mind. First, my company announced a new paid maternity leave package and the establishment of more flexible work conditions, both measures designed to encourage females to return to work after having their baby rather than just resign. Secondly, some of Tony’s friend’s babies started getting bigger. Tony was never interested in newborns - he claimed they were boring and ugly and all looked the same - but when some of these kiddies turned into toddlers with real personalities he started to sit up and take notice.
One Sunday afternoon when we returned from a picnic where Angus’ two year old son had been beetling about in a mini Wallabies jersey he said, ‘You know, I’ve been thinking you’re probably right. If we sit around waiting for the right time to have children we’ll never end up having them.’
I have a strong suspicion that the baby Wallaby was the clincher.
‘What are you getting at?’ I asked.
‘That we should think about starting a family, of course.’
‘I agree but what do you mean by think about?’
‘I guess we could even start soon-ish. You could stop taking the pill at least. And I’d better cut my losses on the living room and start working on one of the other bedrooms. We wouldn’t want the baby sleeping somewhere half-finished. There might be lead in that old paint, too.’
‘Well at that rate you should start working right this minute. Pregnancy only takes nine months, after all.’
Hooray! Finally, I thought. Ah, but easier said than done.
I stopped taking those little pills, started my folic acid and toddled off to my GP for some advice about the best way to fall pregnant. And yes, I did know this meant having sex but when it comes to conception timing is everything. Unfortunately Tony was often away at the crucial time. We didn’t think it appropriate to request that his roster be scheduled round my ovulatory cycle either.
Even when Tony was around things didn’t seem to be happening as planned and that was more of a worry. He got plenty of action around those crucial few days, I can tell you. Initially I was philosophical but after a few months I started getting twitchy when my period was due, imagining I felt ‘different’ until - monotonously on schedule - the bleeding arrived like an unwelcome visitor and all my hopes had to be put on hold for another twenty-eight days. Why was it so easy for everyone else? Mimi had confided that she conceived her twins at the very first attempt. I started worrying that there was something wrong with me, not helped by - you guessed it - my mother-in-law. Stupidly, Tony had confided in her our plans so as the months ticked away she started making comments.
‘You know, Douglas’ older sister Margaret could never conceive. It was terribly sad. No-one knows why. Some women are just not meant to be mothers I suppose.’
‘I don’t know that I have quite got to that stage,’ I said, mustering all my dwindling reserves of patience in an attempt to remain civil. ‘There is always IVF if worse comes to worst.’
What I really wanted to say was: ‘Why assume it’s me, honey? It could be your son who has the problem.’
There was something about Pamela that I’d always wondered about. She had Tony when she was only twenty-two but then Andrew