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‘So you’ve been discussing our sex life with your sister, have you?’

‘No, she was just talking in generalities.’

‘I didn’t realise it was so bad anyway. As far as I can see there is nothing wrong with our sex life that a little more enthusiasm from you wouldn’t fix.’

‘I didn’t actually mean it that way, although I think the fact you didn’t touch me for eighteen months wasn’t a good sign…but then you still felt the need to touch others.’

‘So you had to bring that up again didn’t you? That’s what all this was about.’

‘Look, just forget I mentioned anything.’

Gee, that went well.

***

All about appearances - I’d accused Tony of being just that, but I was just as guilty of it as anyone in the Cooper family. After Melanie had wised me up I’d actually made a conscious effort to mention Tony in conversations with my family, so that they wouldn’t pick up the bad marriage vibes. I’m not sure this was one hundred percent convincing. Mum did seem to ask, ‘So how are you?’ more than I would have thought normal and it hadn’t escaped my family’s notice that Tony wasn’t exactly a hands-on dad.

‘Why can’t Tony ever pick Issy up from preschool for you?’ she grumbled one day, when she witnessed me tearing from work to her place to home yet again. (When she’d turned three I’d started Issy at a preschool near Mum’s home on Tuesdays and Wednesdays.) ‘What exactly does he do all day when he’s at home? Does he think it’s still the 1950s or something? I thought modern fathers were meant to be more involved these days.’

‘Apparently not all, Mum.’

‘Well you should put your foot down,’ she said, ‘otherwise I’ll say something to him one day. Doesn’t he ever consider your wellbeing?’

I think we all know the answer to that.

Also, I hadn’t considered everyone in my subterfuge.

Just before Christmas in 2005, Mimi made one of her lightning raids to Sydney to bag a bunch of presents for her brood of three and catch up with her friends. Tony was away at the time, so I invited her around for dinner at my place.

After touring my almost finished home and putting my pink-pyjamaed daughter to bed, we sat down to swordfish and salad and a glass of wine.

As we settled down for a coffee afterwards Mimi asked, ‘So what’s going on in your marriage?’

‘What do you mean?’

‘I couldn’t help noticing that all the photos you send me and stuff you write about is of you and Isabel. I mean, I know Tony is away a lot but it’s almost like he’s not in your life at all.’

She’d got it in one.

That’s how another of my friends got to hear about my husband’s affair, although I told her quite calmly, the time for tears being past.

‘You know, I was always worried that this would happen to me rather than you. I mean Matt and I hardly knew each other when we got married. You two were together such a long time. I thought you would have known each other so well.’

‘Huh…I don’t think anyone really knows Tony. Maybe not even himself.’

‘It’s probably just opportunity with lots of guys anyway. We heard only the other day that one of Matt’s friends has left his absolutely gorgeous wife for his PA. Lucky for me my husband doesn’t have any temptation - not unless he starts taking a fancy to some of our better looking cattle. Although, some of the heifers have very nice eyes so maybe I should be worried.’

‘I wish I’d married a farmer then. I reckon I could turn a blind eye to the occasional bit of bestiality.’

‘And how are things now? I’d guess still not great.’

‘It’s not so much me - it’s him,’ I said. ‘He seems to me to be very unhappy. I’m just hanging in there for Issy’s sake - hoping it will all come good.’

***

Then, only a couple of days later on a Friday morning, I thought for a dreadful few hours that I was going to lose that last flimsy barricade against total misery and failure - my job.

I received a phone call from Edward as soon as I walked in the door, saying he needed to see me in his office immediately. When I got there I also found Amanda in attendance. Edward looked uncharacteristically stern. The