Happily Ever After_ - Benison Anne O'Reilly [54]
***
The following Tuesday, the last one before Christmas, I arrived at work to find another summons from Edward. What now? I thought.
This time, when I arrived in Edward’s office I found Melanie and Karen, a business analyst who had been working on one of our other marketing teams; but no Amanda.
‘Well girls, I have some news for you all,’ announced Edward in an important tone. ‘Due to the…difficulties of last week, senior management has decided on a restructure. Ellie and Melanie you will no longer be working with Amanda.’
Hip, hip hooray! Could it really be possible? Did they truly, actually sack her?
‘Amanda has been promoted to Senior Product Manager and now will have more staff to support her, as upon reflection management has decided that Lo-prez is too important a product to be managed by such a small team.’
Of course, how naïve of me to think even for a moment that they would actually get rid of her. I was beginning to think she was putting out for the MD.
‘However, we feel that your relationship - meaning Ellie and Melanie - with Amanda has deteriorated to the point where you can no longer work together and thus management has decided that you three will form the basis of a new team, promoting a brand new product which is a recent acquisition of ours. We are bringing in a new Senior Product Manager. Well actually he is already on staff but has been working in the UK for several years and has just requested a transfer back home. His name is Alex Andersen.’
So what was this new mystery product? A new cancer treatment, perhaps - that would be good, although unlikely. Maybe it was that cholesterol drug I’d heard mutterings about.
‘It is a new drug for erectile dysfunction, which goes under the trade name Erecta.’
Erectile dysfunction?
‘What is erectile dysfunction?’ asked Melanie.
‘It’s good news for Bruce you don’t know,’ I said.
‘It’s the technical term for impotence, Melanie.’ explained Edward.
‘Oh,’ said Melanie, pulling a strange puffer-fish expression, which I knew was her way of suppressing a laugh.
‘If you don’t mind me asking, Edward,’ I piped up, ‘aren’t there already a few of these products on the market?’
‘Well yes, but Erecta is distinguished by its more potent action, producing longer and a-hem, a-hem…harder erections.’ As he completed this sentence and surveyed the three expectant female faces surrounding his desk he coloured to a shade I would describe as fire engine red.
Hmmm, longer and harder erections - I briefly contemplated adapting the Olympic motto as branding: ‘Faster, Higher, Stronger, Longer and Harder’, but quickly dismissed the idea. Apart from the fact the IOC would charge a fortune for the rights some old guy would likely take it all too literally and give himself a heart attack, resulting in a nasty lawsuit.
‘Anyway,’ went on Edward, ‘head office have provided a dossier on this new product and I want you all to go away and learn everything about it from A to Z - that is, after you’ve transitioned your replacements so they can take over your old responsibilities. You will start properly in late January when Alex arrives. We have had to give him some time to organise the move back to Australia so he won’t be here for another four weeks. Oh and Ellie, you’ll of course have to complete our defence in response to the complaint against Lo-prez first.’
Yes, that’s right. I’d been handed the task of defending the indefensible: the dodgy letter to doctors. Typical of my dealings with Amanda - she swept through town like Lady Godiva on horseback, whilst I was the designated street sweeper, cleaning up all the horse poo left in her wake.
That finished, I ‘boned up’ on erectile dysfunction over the Christmas/New Year