Hard Bitten - Chloe Neill [122]
Two hours later, silently, I stood up, picked through the crowd of vampires who filled the floor, and went for the door.
“Going somewhere?” she asked, head tilted curiously.
“I’m going to find a boy,” I said.
I was nervous as I made the trip to his room, afraid that if I stepped inside—both of us emotionally drained—he’d be able to slip past defenses I should keep intact. And worse—that we’d never be the same for it. That the House would never be the same for it.
I stood outside his door for a full five minutes, clenching and unclenching my hands, trying to build up the nerve to knock.
Finally, when I couldn’t stand the anticipation any longer, I blew out a breath, pulled my fingers into a fist, and wrapped my knuckles against the door. The sound echoed through the hallway, oddly loud in the silence.
Ethan opened the door, his expression haggard. “I was just about to head to bed. Did you need something?”
It took me seconds to speak, to find courage to ask the question. “Can I stay with you?”
He was stunned by it, clearly. “Can you stay with me?”
“Tonight. Not anything physical. Just—”
Ethan slid his hands into his pockets. “Just?”
I looked up at him, and let the fear, frustration, and exhaustion show in my eyes. I was too tired to argue, too tired to care what the request might mean tomorrow. Too tired to fight back against the GP and him.
I needed companionship, affection. I needed to trust and be trusted in return.
And I needed that from him.
“Come in, Merit.”
I stepped inside. He closed the doors to his apartments and turned off the lights, his bedside lamps glowing through the doors to his bedroom.
Without another word, he put his hands on my arms, and pressed his lips to my forehead.
“If ‘just’ is all you can give me now, then ‘just’ is what we’ll do.”
I closed my eyes and wrapped my arms around him, and I let the tears flow.
“If he decides I’m his enemy?” I asked. “If he decides taking me out—or letting Celina take me out—is how he maintains control of the Houses?”
“You are a Cadogan vampire, by blood and bone. You have fought for this House, and you are mine to protect. My Sentinel, my Novitiate. As long as I am here to do it, I will protect you. As long as this House exists, you will have a home here.”
“And if Darius tries to tear it down because of something I’ve done?”
Ethan sighed. “Then Darius is blind, and the GP is not the organization it has set itself up to be. It is not the protector of vampires it imagines itself to be.”
I sniffed and turned my cheek into the coolness of his shirt. His cologne was clean and soapy, like fresh towels or warm linens. More comforting than it should have been, given the knot of fear still in my heart.
Ethan pulled away and moved to the bar on the other side of the room, then poured amber liquid from a crystal decanter into two chubby glasses. He put the top back on the decanter, then walked back and handed me a glass. I took a sip and flinched involuntarily. The liquor might have been good, but it tasted like gasoline and burned like dry fire.
“Keep drinking it,” Ethan said. “You’ll find it improves with each sip.”
I shook my head and handed the glass back to him. “So it finally tastes good when you’re completely drunk?”
“Something like that.” Ethan drained his glass and deposited both on the closest table.
He took my hand and laced our fingers together, then led me to the bedroom, where he closed the bedroom doors. Two sets of doors, of finely honed and paneled wood, between us and humans and shifters and the GP and drug-addled vampires.
For what felt like the first time in days, I exhaled.
Ethan pulled off his jacket and placed it across a side chair. I toed off my shoes and stood there for a moment, realizing that in my haste to find him I hadn’t bothered to think about clothing.
“Would you like a T-shirt?” he asked.
I smiled a little. “That would be great.”
Ethan smiled