Have a New Kid by Friday - Dr Kevin Leman [107]
I realize that some of you who read this book are not people of faith, so I’d like to share a story with you from the Bible.8 It’s for those of you who have had (or currently have) a prodigal, a child who has blown off your family beliefs and values. Perhaps he’s left home and lived in undesirable surroundings, engaged in things you never thought you’d see your child do, and embarrassed you in front of the whole neighborhood, not tomention all your friends and relatives.
The prodigal in the Bible was tired of the way things were at home. He was restless. He went to his father and said, “You know, this place is Dullsville. I’m out of here. I want my fair share. I’m history. I’m leaving.”
And the child did exactly that. He went and lived life the way he wanted to. He spent all his money—wasted it on wine, women, and song. Finally he came to his senses and realized that even his father’s farmhands were better off than he was because at least they had something to eat. So he went home to his father.
One of the most moving parts of the whole story is when the father saw his son coming from afar . . . coming back home.
What did that father do? When he saw his son, he ran to him! He embraced his son. He was absolutely delighted that his son had come home.
I need to point out to you a couple of things he didn’t say.
He didn’t say, “Well, look what the cat dragged in. Had enough of the independent life?” or “Oh, I suppose you’ve learned your lesson.” Not at all.
That father embraced his son and loved him.
It’s a great reminder for anyone who has a prodigal.
Yes, you wish you could relive those 3 years your son was absent from you and got himself in so much trouble. But you need to rest in the fact that your son is now safely home. You need to start a new chapter in both of your lives. You need to love him and move on.
Let’s just say it boldly. You’re not perfect. Your kid isn’t perfect. Sometimes your child will misbehave . . . and in colorful, exasperating, and embarrassing ways. Like the little girl whose parents asked her to lie down for a nap in her room on a Sunday afternoon while the pastor and his wife were over for dinner. “Mommy,” the little girl yelled out when she was supposed to be asleep, “guess where my fingers are?”
Sometimes you will be the one who gives in when you know you shouldn’t . . . or the one who reverts to the old authoritarian ways you grew up with.
None of us is perfect. Your children need the three-pronged foundation of Acceptance, Belonging, and Competence in order to become healthy, functioning members of society. They also need the character building of truth-telling and encouragement, rather than the false and empty platform of praise. Most of all, they need consistency. They need a mom and/or a dad who will stand up and be a parent. Even if that means being Public Enemy #1 of the kids for a while.
Today is your day. Fun Day. The reward for your work and determination. The day you get to sit back and watch the fun! The look of absolute confusion on your child’s face when you launch your action plan will be priceless.
Remember little Matthew, the 4-year-old in the “Monday” chapter, who dissed his mom in the car, then wondered why he wasn’t getting his usual milk-and-cookie snack after preschool? Who couldn’t understand his mother’s “no” until he was so desperate for his routine snack that he was finally willing to listen to the reason she refused to give the snack to him?
Ah, but next came the very hardest part for any parent. That mother had to lean down and look that red-eyed, tear-stained, humbled 4-year-old in the eyes and still not give him what he wanted!
How tempted do you think she was to give in? How tempted would you be? But what would have happened if she had? Would she really have won anything, for all her effort?
Without determined follow-through from Mom, Matthew would have had no idea how serious she was or how much he had hurt her feelings. Most of