Have a New Kid by Friday - Dr Kevin Leman [3]
If you believe that you, as a parent, are to be in healthy authority over your child, this book is for you. If you don’t believe that you, as a parent, are to be in healthy authority over your child, put this book down right now and buy another. You won’t like what I have to say, you won’t do it, and you’ll complain about me to your friends.
But let me ask you something first: how do you feel after an hour of yelling at your kids to get up in the morning in time to catch the school bus? Could there be a better way?
What if you did something different? What if you didn’t wake them up this morning? What if you did nothing at all?
“But, Dr. Leman,” you’re saying, “I can’t do that. They’d be late for school. And I’d be late for work.”
Now you’re catching on.
How do you feel after listening to your children bicker constantly over who gets the bathroom first? Over who wore whose shirt and left it in a heap on the floor?
How do you feel after listening to your children bellyache over what you packed them for lunch?
What if you didn’t intercede in the sibling battles? What if you didn’t play peacemaker or rush to wash your daughter’s favorite shirt in time for her to wear it to school? What if you didn’t pack any lunch at all?
Ah, now you’re getting it.
There is a better way, and you’re holding it in your hand.
Did you know that your job as a parent is not to create a happy child? That if your child is temporarily unhappy, when he or she does choose to put a happy face back on, life will be better for all of you?
When your child yells, “You can’t make me do it!” he’s right. You can’t make him do something. But if he chooses not to be helpful, you don’t have to take him to the Secretary of State to get his driver’s license either.
You see, nothing in life is a free ride. The sooner children learn that, the better. Every person is accountable, regardless of age, for what comes out of his mouth. And homes should be based on the cornerstones of mutual respect, love, and accountability. There is no entitlement. If you play the entitlement game in your home, you’ll create BratZ—with a capital Z. You’ll create children who think they are in the driver’s seat of life’s car. Who think that their happiness is what’s most important in life, and that they are “entitled” to not only what they want but anything and everything they want, when they want it.
Many of us have unwittingly done this to our kids. We’ve spent far too much time snowplowing our child’s road in life—making far too many decisions for her, giving him too many choices, letting him off the hook or making excuses when he’s irresponsible, ignoring the little and big ways she disses us. After all, you want your child to like you, don’t you? No wonder kids think they’re in charge, and parental threats and cajoling don’t work! Many moms in particular tell me they feel like slave dogs, doing whatever their kids want them to do. And they’re exhausted by the end of the day. (If you’re saying, “Amen, brother!” read on.)
There are all sorts of experts who talk about boosting a child’s self-esteem. They promise that if you praise your child for this and that and smooth his road in life, you’ll land in the wonderful world of Oz and live happily ever after. But I’m here to tell you, after nearly 4 decades of helping families—as well as parenting 5 kids with my lovely wife—that often the opposite is true with that approach. Far too many families have landed on a stretch of road where they wish they had never gone.
You want your child to emerge as a healthy, contributing member of your family and society, right? Have a New Kid by Friday is a game plan guaranteed to work. Every time. It’ll help to produce the responsible adult you’ll be proud to call your son or daughter now and down the road. It’ll ratchet down the stress level in your home and give you freedom you’ve never experienced before in your parenting. It’ll even provide some chuckles