Have a New Kid by Friday - Dr Kevin Leman [66]
This doesn’t mean, however, that you don’t address the lateness in your child. If you want to curb the lateness in 5 days or less, tell your kids when you need to be out the door. “I have to be out the door at 7:45 in order to go to my meeting. If you are ready, I’ll drop you off at Hannah’s on the way.” If your child isn’t at the door at 7:45, leave without warning or fanfare. (This only works, of course, if there is an older sibling or another adult home to stay with a younger child.) Let the child stay behind and suffer the consequences of not being ready.
If your child is continually late in getting out the door for school, go ahead and leave on time with your other children. Let the other child stay behind. It will mean, of course, sacrifice on your part because you’ll have to make two trips to school. But welcome to the world of parenting! Sometimes it is inconvenient.
If a child experiences being late and is held accountable by an outside person (maybe she has to go to the principal’s office or is given a pink slip she has to give to a teacher), all the better.
If your child has a record of lateness, you may also want to talk with the teacher or principal and say, “We’re trying to work on Sarah being on time. Anything you can do to help us on that would be appreciated.” In other words, home and school can work together.
Let’s say your eighth grader misses the bus, and you have to drive him to school. What would you normally do? Run out of the door in your bathrobe without your coffee to get him there on time, right?
I suggest something different. Take your time. Take a shower, blow-dry your hair, pour yourself a cup of coffee. Quietly make a phone call to the school without your child knowing and tell them why he’s going to be late. Encourage the office to give him a stiff warning on that pink or blue slip. Ask the teacher to say something to him in front of the class about his lateness.
Why would you choose to do this to your child? Because the long-term goal is for your child to become a responsible adult. Some children need a little kick-start in that direction, and your child may be one of them.
Laziness/No Responsibility
“Frank Jr. moved back in with us after he graduated from college and couldn’t find a job. Because he was back home and jobless, we continued giving him an allowance. But it seems like all he spends it on is take-out pizza and going out with his buddies. I sure don’t see him looking for a job.”
“Keri spent her entire summer just lying around on our deck, sun tanning. Now she wants to shop for school clothes. I’d told her at the beginning of the summer that we wouldn’t have money for new clothes since her dad’s company is downsizing and we don’t know what’s going to happen. She could have earned some money herself. She was offered a great job. But she just didn’t want to do it.”
Let me ask you: are you running a home—or a hotel?
If, like Frank Jr., your son is 24, still lives with you, and is bilking you for money and showing no responsibility, then you’re running a hotel. And guess what? You’re the maid service! Why would he look for a job? Frank Jr.’s got it pretty good right where he is. You do all the work, and he just hangs out eating pizza and not growing up.
When I taught at the university, students would come up with all kinds of excuses. One football player—a 6’8” defensive end who weighed 300 pounds—told me one day, “Dr. Leman, this chick was supposed to type my paper for me and she doesn’t have it done.”
I raised my eyebrow at him. “Well, in my class I don’t accept excuses. So by agreement with Coach Robinson, I’ll just tell him that you won’t be ready for practice today.” After that point, that big football player would whip into class and lay his homework right on my desk before he even sat down.
Some kids are just lazy by nature.