Have a New Kid by Friday - Dr Kevin Leman [69]
Messy Room
“I think a sign ought to be posted outside my son’s room: Toxic Zone. Don’t enter for fear of your life.”
I’m not a high-standard guy. I’m a want-to-see-the-floor-twiceaweek kind of guy. But even I have my limits. (My wife, Sande, a firstborn, has a lot less tolerance for mess than I do, as the baby of my family.) Many teen rooms are downright toxic.
Kids are mess makers, and they won’t usually have the same standard you do for keeping their bedrooms picked up. And, after all, they have a lot of important stuff in there (like makeup, iPods, rocks), and they only have one room that’s totally theirs in which to store their precious belongings. So if you expect them to keep their bedroom as clean as you do the rest of the house, you’ll be sorely disappointed.
However, bedrooms ought to be cleaned at least twice a week so they don’t start smelling like locker rooms and looking like the local dump. That means anything that’s been thrown on the floor gets picked up and deposited where it should go, includingfood wrappers, clothes, and possessions that have been borrowed from a sibling. For a parent to expect pickup twice a week is entirely reasonable.
Parents should decide which two days of the week are cleanup days. And children need to be clear on the definition of what “clean” is. That way, when Mom or Dad walks into the room, it’s also clear to the child whether the room is presentable or not. If the child hasn’t done a good job and doesn’t seem to be willing to do round 2 (if he even attempted round 1), you can assign someone else to complete the cleanup (a sibling, a neighbor . . .) and take the cost out of your child’s next allowance.
After all, isn’t that what life is like? You pay for things others do for you? Why shouldn’t cleaning your child’s room be the same way?
Paying someone else to do a job that your child failed to complete and taking the pay out of his allowance is a good way to teach him responsibility. Not to mention that most children would be more than annoyed to find out that a sister, brother, or neighbor was in their space, going through their stuff.
Misuse of TV or Video Games
“My son lives in two worlds—school and video games. He’s in one or the other, but never anywhere else. Is this normal, or am I just being picky? Other than that, he’s a good kid.”
“My daughter is hooked on all the nighttime TV shows. Sometimes she doesn’t start homework until nearly midnight because she’s caught up in them.”
Let’s be honest. A lot of us watch too much TV. When there was a Mayberry marathon, I watched 2 hours of episodes, even though I knew every word since I’ve seen them all over and over and over. I knew every word since I’ve seen them all over (Now that’s stupid, but I still did it. It’s a great show, but watching that much was a waste of my time.) Worse, there are so many tasteless things on TV. Downright disgusting, in fact. No good for anyone.
So why do we allow our children to watch so much TV? Simply said, TV, movies, andvideo games have become babysitters for a lot of parents. Stick the kids in front of a show and Mom can do dishes and straighten up the kitchen in peace. Dad can get a couple extra hours of work in. If you have a 2-year-old and a portable TV and DVD player, why not take it to the restaurant and let the child watch a movie so you can have a quiet and peaceful dinner? What’s wrong with letting a kid sit there, immersed in a DVD or a video game? At least they’re quiet!
Using TV, movies, and video games to babysit is functional and very tempting. But is it healthy for children? To stare at an electronic device hour after hour instead of interacting with parents and siblings? Probably not.
There’s nothing wrong with TV, movies, and DVDs, if used sparingly and screened for objectionable