Have a New Kid by Friday - Dr Kevin Leman [78]
I applaud all of you parents who take the extra time to enter your child’s world and show tough love when it’s called for.
Pets (and Caring for Them)
Whose pet is it?
If you’re one of the parents who bought a pet for your child because (1) you thought it would be good for your kid to have a pet or (2) your son really wanted that fuzzy little puppy, then I suggest that pet belongs to you. If you buy a pet for a youngster under 5, it’s definitely your pet. Between the ages of 5 and 10, it’s principally your pet. After age 10, it’s more likely to be your child’s pet.
Should children take care of their pet? Yes. If they want to claim ownership—“that’s my dog”—then brushing and walking the dog, feeding the dog, and doing dog poop control need to belong to them. Even a 5-year-old can use a little shovel to pick up dog poop and hurl it into your neighbor’s yard. If your older child—say a child over 8—has campaigned nonstop for a dog, make sure you go over these things with your child: “This will not be my dog. It will be your dog. And I expect you to feed it and clean up after it! There can’t be any poop or pee on the floor either.”
The problem is, as soon as you take on a pet, everyone in the family is going to have some responsibility for that pet. At first family is going to have some responsibility everything is rosy. That cute little puppy will get a lot of attention. Soon, however, it will become more and more evident that your child isn’t planning on doing a lick of work. If this happens in your home, here’s what I suggest: stake the dog in the front yard with a For Sale sign. Or put an ad in the paper or on the Internet to sell the dog. That ought to get your child’s attention.
In other words, don’t give your child wiggle room or any gray area here. Either he steps up to the plate and takes care of that dog or cat or guinea pig, or he doesn’t—and the critter goes to someone who will. I like goldfish because they teach kids a lesson about caring for pets, but you’re not stuck with them for years. They certainly teach kids about death and burial at sea. That’s always been my job: the grand flush down the porcelain canyon. Recently, though, I’ve been stumped by a black fish that won’t die. Every time we travel from Tucson to New York for the summer, we expect to come back to Tucson and find that fish dead. But the fish must have 9 lives. . . .
I love pets. We’ve had our laughs and tears over them (and lots of funerals in the backyard). I adore our dog, Rosie. She’s got a great personality. She even sleeps with Sande and me. She’s an integral part of our family.
But all 5 of my kids, while growing up, knew that pets were a responsibility. That once you got ’em, you didn’t take ’em back . . . until they went down the porcelain canyon or out under the tree in the yard.
Don’t get a pet just because it’s cute or you think it will help your child be responsible—unless, that is, your children aren’t enough for you to take care of and you’re craving something else to do. If you buy your child a little chick at Easter, you’re nuts. (If you live on a farm, I withdraw my diagnosis.)
Picky Eaters
There are three things in parenting that you don’t need to spend a lot of time worrying about—eating, sleeping, and going potty. All those things take their course quite naturally, believe it or not, if a parent stays out of it.
Eating is way too big a thing for many parents. They turn a molehill into a mountain by constantly harping on eating habits:
“Eat your veggies. They