Have a New Kid by Friday - Dr Kevin Leman [90]
What’s the alternative? Look through your city’s paper tonight.
You’ll see all kinds of cases of people who didn’t grow up in that kind of environment. Their crimes are documented in newspapers and on news reports across the nation. Prisons are full of people who never learned selflessness.
Teach your child selflessness. Then she’ll emerge into society as a giver, not a taker.
Sharing
Children don’t understand sharing. They don’t have a capacity to even contemplate it when they are 14 months old. If they’re holding an item, there’s no sharing. They own that item. It’s theirs. And no one can tell them any different. It doesn’t matter if they can break it or it’s worth 5,000 dollars or 50 cents.
However, with each passing month after that age, children become more acutely aware of others, so they must learn how to share. However, young children will not share unless sharing is modeled for them. Role-playing sharing is important. “Okay, it’s your turn. . . . now it’s my turn.” Or, “You take a bite. Then I’ll take a bite.”
When young children willingly share with others, parents need to reinforce that behavior by saying, “What a big girl you behavior by saying, are! You shared that with your brother!”
Three- and 4-year-olds can be extremely territorial. They have a difficult time sharing because everything is “mine.” But does that mean they can’t learn? Absolutely not. Let’s say 4-year-olds are playing and arguing over a ball. The best way to teach sharing is to take the ball away. “If you can’t share this ball,” you tell them, “no one will play with it. I’ll put it away for now.” By taking away the object, you are holding the children accountable for learning how to share it. You can also add, “When you are ready to share, let me know.”
With such words, young children will quickly figure out that sharing can be to their advantage. Otherwise, their fun disappears with that ball!
To reinforce the concept, later that day you can sit down with an aromatic bowl of popcorn. When your son comes up and asks for some, simply say, “No, I’m not sharing my popcorn tonight. I don’t feel like it.”
You’re not being mean. You have a level tone. Then you explain the importance of sharing and how you felt about what happened earlier that day. “We’re all part of one family, and we share things. But if you choose not to share, I can choose not to share.”
Let’s say older children are fussing over the last piece of cake. Just hand a knife to one child and say, “I’ll tell you what—you cut it.” To the other kid, say, “And then you choose which piece you want.”
That keeps the ball in the court where it belongs and doesn’t get you into the discussion of who had the bigger piece last night. One kid cuts; the other chooses the piece. And you stay out of the Judge Judy role.
Ditto with the skirmishes between teenage girls over a sweater. If your child bought it with her money, it’s hers. If you bought it with your money, sharing would be in order. If they can’t share it, simply take the sweater and add it to your own wardrobe until the girls can come to an agreement. The skirmishes over clothing may still go on behind the scenes, but there’s less likelihood they’ll draw you into the midst of them.
Something that can help children understand sharing and how each member of the family contributes is helping you pay bills online or writing checks for bills. Younger children can even put stamps on the envelopes and see how many bills go out and come