Heart of the Matter - Emily Giffin [65]
“Tomorrow,” Nick says, a fleeting look crossing his face that tells Valerie he feels the same way. But he quickly falls into his medical mode, talking about Charlie’s progress and therapy, his long-term surgical plan, as well as his short-term outpatient plan, rattling off instructions and assurances.
“He can go back to school in another week or so. Ideally, he still needs to wear his mask about eighteen hours a day. But it can come off occasionally—unless, of course, he’s playing sports, that sort of thing . . . And he needs to sleep with it, too. Same goes for the splint on his hand.”
She swallows and nods, forcing a smile. “That’s great. Great news,” she says, feeling like a decidedly bad mother to receive the report with anything short of unbridled joy.
“I know it’s scary,” Nick says. “But he’s ready.”
“I know,” she says, biting her lip so hard that it hurts.
“And so are you,” he tells her, so convincingly that she nearly believes him.
***
The following afternoon, as Valerie works her way through all the paperwork and packing, she finds herself remembering the first time she left the hospital with Charlie, when he was just three days old. She has the same feeling of impending failure now, the fear that she will be revealed as a fraud once home alone with her child. The only thing that tempers her trepidation is Charlie’s palpable excitement as he skips through the halls, handing out illustrated cards he made for everyone last night. Everyone but Nick, that is, who is nowhere to be found.
Valerie keeps expecting him to show up, or at least call, and feels herself stalling, signing the discharge papers and loading the cart with their belongings as slowly as possible. At one point, Valerie even asks Leta, a matronly, soft-spoken nurse who has been with them since the beginning, if they should wait to see Dr. Russo before leaving.
“He’s off today, sugar,” Leta says, even more gently than usual, as if she’s worried the news will upset Valerie. “He signed the order last night.” She flips through Charlie’s chart as if looking for some consolation, smiling brightly when she finds it. “But he wants to see you back in a few days,” she says. “Call this number here,” she says, circling Nick’s office number on a form and handing it to her.
Embarrassed, Valerie takes the paper and looks away, wondering just how transparent she is, if all the nurses can tell how she feels, how close she and Nick have become. Or perhaps he is this way with all his patients and families—perhaps she has mistaken their friendship for a well-honed and finely tuned bedside manner. The thought that he is doing his job, that she and Charlie aren’t unique, fills her with relief and disappointment.
Valerie zips the last duffel bag as Leta bustles out of the room, returning a moment later with a wheelchair for Charlie’s final ride through these halls—and a lanky hospital page named Horace to do the pushing.
“I don’t need that anymore!” Charlie says with a happy shout.
“It’s hospital protocol, baby,” Leta says.
Charlie stares at her, confused.
“Everyone gets wheeled out, sweetie pie,” she tells him. “So hop aboard. Horace might pop a wheelie for you.”
Charlie makes a gurgling, happy boy noise and climbs into the chair as Valerie glances around the bare room, and gives her last, silent thank-you to a place she will never forget.
***
Charlie doesn’t ask about Nick until later that night when he is in his own bed, his artwork and cards from the hospital transferred to his honey-colored walls, his army of stuffed animals surrounding him, his iPod in the docking station, playing soft Beethoven.
“I never got to give Dr. Nick my card!” he says, suddenly sitting up. “I didn’t get to say good-bye.”
“We’ll see him again in a few days,” she says, easing him back onto his pillow and turning his night-light on.
“Can we call him?” Charlie says, his voice quivering.
“Not now, honey. It’s too late,” she says.
“Please,” he whimpers, reaching up to pull off his mask. “I want to say good night.”
Valerie knows what the answer should be, knows that there are