Helliconia Summer - Brian W. Aldiss [311]
The lines of her face were rigid. ‘You have traduced the reputation of my dead brother and of me. Who gave the order for the spreading of that lie but you?’
‘Understand, please, what I have to do for my kingdom. I have no will that we part.’
‘Who gave the order for our parting but you? Who commands here but you? If you don’t command, then anarchy has come, and the kingdom is not worth saving.’
He gave her a sideways look. The eagle was sick. ‘This is policy I must carry through. I am not imprisoning you but sending you to the beautiful palace of Gravabagalinien, where Freyr does not dominate the sky so greatly. Be content there and don’t scheme against me, or your father will answer for it. If the war news improves, who knows but we may be together again.’
She rounded on him, by her vehemence making him look into her overflowing face.
‘Do you then plan to wed that lascivious child of Oldorando this year and divorce her next, as you do me this? Have you an endless series of matrimonies and divorcements in mind by which to save Borlien? You talk of sending me away. Be warned that when I am sent, I remain forever away from you.’
JandolAnganol reached out a hand, but dared not touch her.
‘I’m saying that in my heart – if you believe I have one – I am not sending you away. Will you understand that? You live only by religion and principle. Have some understanding of what it means to be king.’
She plucked a twig of idront and then flung it from her.
‘Oh, you’ve taught me what it is to be a king. To incarcerate your father, to drive off your son, to defame your brother-in-law, to dismiss me to the ends of the kingdom – that’s what it is to be a king! I’ve learnt the lesson from you well.
‘So I will answer you, Jan, after your own fashion. I cannot prevent your exiling me, no. But when you put me away, you inherit all the consequences of that act. You must live and die by those consequences. That is religion speaking, not I. Don’t expect me to alter what is unalterable.’
‘I do expect it.’ He swallowed. He seized her arm tightly and would not let it go, despite her struggles. He walked her along the path, and butterflies rose up. ‘I do expect it. I expect you to love me still, and not to stop simply from convenience. I expect you to be above humanity, and to see beyond your suffering to the suffering of others.
‘So far, in this pitiless world, your beauty has saved you from suffering. I have guarded you. Admit it, Cune, I have guarded you through these dreadful years. I returned from the Cosgatt only because you were here. By will I returned … Won’t your beauty become a curse when I am not by to act as shield? Won’t you be hunted like a deer in a forest, by men the likes of whom you have never known? What will your end be without me?
‘I swear I will love you still, despite a thousand Simoda Tals, if you will tell me now – just tell me, as we kiss good-bye – that you still hold me dear, despite what I have to do.’
She broke from him and steadied herself against a rock, her face in shadow. Both of them were pale and sweated.
‘You mean to frighten me, and so you do. The truth is, you drive me away because you do not understand yourself. Inwardly, you know that I understand you and your weaknesses as does no one else – except possibly your father. And you cannot bear that. You are tortured because I have compassion for you. So yes, damn you, since you wrench it from me, yes, I do love you and will do so until I am merged with the original beholder. But you can’t accept that, can you? It’s not what you desire.’
He blazed up. ‘There! You hate me, really! Your words lie!’
‘Oh, oh, oh!’ She uttered wild cries and began to run. ‘Go away! Go away! You’re crazed. I declare what you ask and it maddens you! You want my hatred. Hatred is all you know! Go away – I hate you, if that satisfies your soul.’
JandolAnganol did not attempt to pursue her.
‘Then the storm will come,’ he said.
*
So smoke began to flow down and