He's My Husband! - Lindsay Armstrong [59]
‘You told me so rd not make a fuss about Tara—oh, hell!’ She rubbed her face agitatedly. ‘But what was I supposed to think? You’d never talked about it before. Then this strange woman waltzed in and virtually took over! I know you’ve always denied it, but how could you not have known Tara was—smitten?’ she said bitterly.
‘Tara never had anything to do with—anything. All right, yes, I knew,’ he said, and grimaced. ‘I couldn’t help wondering whether it would make you jealous.
‘But,’ he went on, when she could only open her mouth soundlessly, ‘the only reason I told you the absolute truth about how whatever it was I’d felt for Marietta had literally burnt itself out was because this day was approaching, and I needed you to understand what you’d never understood before.’
Nicola licked her lips and swallowed. ‘So...?’
‘So you would be able to believe me when I told you why I asked you to marry me.’ He paused, then went on, ‘I can remember it so clearly—the dress you were wearing, with little pearl buttons down the front, how blue your eyes were, how clean and shining your hair was, how unhappy you were. And I knew in a flash that I wanted you, needed you and loved you—because you were not only unique to me but simply unique. It was as if you were a part of me, but not a child any longer. I wanted you,’ he said barely audibly, ‘in the most desperate way a man can want a woman.’
‘Brett,’ she whispered.
‘Wait,’ he said gently. ‘So I did the only thing I could without breaking the spirit of my promise to your father—and that was bad enough. And, although you may never know how much it cost, I tried to give you a happy, comfortable life, untouched by any of the—darker, deeper side of things that you seemed not to be remotely interested in anyway.’
‘Until I grew up,’ she said, and felt a tear drop onto her hand.
‘Yes. Then, just when I thought I was getting into the home straight—just when I was beginning to wonder whether underneath that exterior which was always determined to give me as good as you got—’ his lips twisted ‘—there might be more—you suddenly became determined to leave me.’
‘I—’
‘Let me finish, Nicola. I began to think that what I might have done was smother you with the children and actually slow down the process rather than the opposite. Was I right?’
‘Do you mean...?’
‘I mean, on top of the sudden desire to leave and the general discontent, there was Richard Holloway.’
Her throat worked, then she slipped off the chair suddenly and came to sit at his feet. ‘Richard Holloway,’ she said, ‘was the Reverend Callam’s invention, not mine. And Richard knows now what happened.’
Brett frowned down at her. ‘The marriage counsellor—with the un-Christian notions?’
‘Yes. You see, when I went to see him—the Reverend, that is—he was...he couldn’t agree that I should give up on this marriage without one last...test. He said there was a tried and tested way of getting a man to reveal himself in these matters and that was to make him jealous. Poor Richard simply happened to be on the spot when I still had that advice on my mind.’
‘Make me jealous? Is that what he suggested?’ he said slowly. ‘Why would he suggest that?’
Nicola smiled at him through her tears. ‘I told him the only reason I’d agreed to this marriage of convenience in the first place was because I was in love with you and I’d hoped to be able to take Marietta’s place in your heart. But that I’d had almost two years to find out that it was never going to happen and I couldn’t...live with it any longer.’
‘Nicola, you may have thought that,’ he said with an effort, ‘but the last time I kissed you it was a different matter, wasn’t it?’
‘No—you must have a short memory, Brett.’
‘On the contrary, I have the clearest recollection of how you looked—horrified.’
‘That was...that was after I realised Marietta and the children had arrived, Brett, and I thought you were using me for several reasons.’
‘What reasons?’ he said, on a suddenly indrawn breath.
‘To prove to Marietta you’d got over her—because what