Hold Me Closer, Necromancer - Lish McBride [55]
Her cold dread washed over me and I understood. She feared the power would corrupt me, that it would get out of hand. Perhaps someone else would use me for evil. For the first time, I was afraid of the thing inside me.
I stared at the floor, feeling the lead weight of everything settle in my chest. “Do you know you hesitate before you touch me?” She started to say something, but I cut her off. “Since I was a kid. I thought it was the way you were, but then you had Haley.” My throat felt thick, but I kept going. “There was never any hesitation with Haley. I always thought it was because I reminded you of Kevin. That I took after the Hatfield side of things too much.” I laughed, and it soundly sickly, hurt. “I’ve never been so wrong about something and so right at the same time.”
“Sam.”
“No,” I said. I kept my gaze on the floor. My insides twisted, and my eyes burned. I didn’t want to hear anything else right then, even if it was an apology.
My mom tried to hug me, and I wanted to let her. I wanted to put my arms around her and hug her until my arms ached. Mom and Haley were the only family I had, and when you have so little, you want to hold on tight. I hated fighting with either of them. But the minute Mom touched me, I felt her fear and anxiety roll over me again. It was like a sucker punch to the gut. I jerked back, choking on the nausea and pain. Mom reached for me again. “No,” I managed. “Don’t. Oh, God, don’t.” I slid to the floor and tried to contain myself. I wanted to curl into a ball. I managed, at least, to stay sitting.
My mom stood anxiously above me, unsure what to do. “I can’t help being afraid of it,” she said.
“Just go away,” I whispered. “Leave me alone.” I’d never wanted so badly to be by myself. There were lots of times growing up when I felt isolated. Being the lone boy in a family can do that. Your biological dad showing no interest in you only shores up the feelings that are already there. So I’d felt alone a lot. But this was the first time I really wanted it.
“I’m sorry,” she said.
“I know.” I’d felt that too. I swallowed hard. My body shook. I curled up and rested my head on my knees.
She pulled back from me. “Are you still angry with me?”
“Just go!” I screamed it, but even that felt like restraint. I wanted to howl until I was nothing but sound.
She hovered over me for a moment. When she left, I heard her whisper, “I didn’t mean it to go this way.” Then I heard the kitchen door shut.
I stayed shaking, tucked in a ball, until Ramon came in and told me it was time to go. He pulled me up off the floor, and I made him wait outside while I splashed cold water on my face. I caught my reflection in the darkened window as I dried off. It didn’t look like me. But then again, I wasn’t really sure who I was anymore, was I? I rested my head against the cool glass and tried to get back to normal. I wanted to laugh. How the hell could I even come close to normal now?
I threw the towel on the counter and left.
Ramon said my good-byes for me. He came out of the house, his arms half full of snacks, some new jeans my mom had picked up for me, and a container full of herbal teas and things to help me sleep. Guilt was riding high. I told Ramon that I didn’t think I had much time to sleep, but he pointed out that I’d be next to useless if I didn’t rest. The body is much like a battery, he said, and if I didn’t recharge it, I might as well just hand myself over to Douglas now.
I took the tea.
Haley walked us out to my station wagon. “So, you see the dead and stuff, huh? How very Sixth Sense of you.”
I snorted at her. “Thanks. At least you’re not running screaming into the hills.”
She shrugged. “I think it’s pretty cool.”
I unloaded all my stuff into the back of the car. “Yeah, I guess. Surprised?”
Haley made a scoffing noise. “That you’d get the super-weird gift and be a freak even among freaks? Not really. I’ve always known you were a weirdo.”
“Again, thanks,” I said. I shut the back of the car and walked