Hope - Lesley Pearse [157]
‘It wasn’t like that.’ Anne was fast losing her composure in the face of his sarcasm. ‘You will only have heard a distorted version of how it came about.’
‘No. I heard the plain and unvarnished truth,’ he said grimly. ‘That Nell believed Albert had killed her young sister, and you and William refused to take her seriously. When I met her and took her home as my housekeeper she was a mere shadow of the able young woman I’d met at Briargate.’
‘Your housekeeper?’ She gasped, astounded that Rufus hadn’t told her this, for surely Matt would have mentioned it to him? Her mind was whirling frantically. Had Nell told Angus he was Hope’s father?
‘Yes, and the best housekeeper any man could find,’ he said with a faint smile. ‘Only a fool would part with such a treasure.’
Anne felt chastened. ‘We are in agreement there,’ she admitted. ‘I have missed her so much. But Angus, we did get the police to search for Hope, they found nothing suspicious. It looked to everyone as if she had truly run off.’
‘Nell cannot believe that, for she feels if Hope were alive she would have contacted one of her brothers or sisters by now. I’m inclined to believe she ran off, but I’m absolutely certain Albert forced her to go. If I had my way I’d take a horsewhip to him and force the truth out of him, so at least Nell could have some peace of mind. But it isn’t my place to do it; it should be done by her family or by William.’
It was clear by that statement that Angus didn’t know Hope was his daughter. He was indignant because he didn’t think she and William had showed enough concern for two loyal and hardworking servants. But if he had known who Hope really was, he’d have been up to Briargate immediately to thrash Albert, and he’d almost certainly feel murderous towards Anne too.
She was afraid to meet his eyes now, and although she promised she would tackle Albert herself, and asked him to pass on her warmest wishes to Nell, his stony expression made it clear that he had nothing but scorn for her. Excusing herself, she hurried away, blushing to the tips of her toes.
She had always known that Angus hated injustice and cruelty – he had often spoken out about the terrible conditions for enlisted men in the army – and so it shouldn’t have come as a surprise to her that he’d given Nell refuge in his own home.
As he strode away from her that morning in Milsom Street, she saw her own faults all too clearly. She was a weak, vain and selfish woman who had used other people’s affections and loyalty all her life, without once offering anything in return. No wonder she saw no trace of love left in his eyes.
All over Christmas she could think of nothing but Angus. She was no stranger to immersing herself in thoughts of her one-time lover. Over the years she’d spent thousands of hours running the whole gamut of emotion, loving him, hating him, blaming him for ruining her life, and yet tingling with arousal as she dwelt on his lovemaking and always burning for more. But now it was different, no tremors of desire, no hate or blame, all she could see was just how self-centred she had been.
Angus was an honourable man. He had fallen in love with her, but he tried to fight against taking it any further because she was a married woman. It was she who made it happen, flirting, tempting and pushing him. He tried to end it countless times, but she clung to him, even threatening to kill herself.
She only ever saw how it was for her: the lack of future, the disgrace if they were caught, the endless waiting while he was away soldiering. She never once considered his feelings or sawthat she was preventing him from marrying someone who would make a home for him and give him children.
Anne knew she couldn’t make amends to Angus, not for all those wasted years, or the pain she’d put him through. But the one thing she could do, which she knew both he and Nell would appreciate, was to tackle Albert about Hope. If she could get him to admit what really happened that