How - Dov Seidman [65]
PUTTING IT IN THE WHOLE
It is one thing to talk about reducing distraction, resolving dissonance, avoiding friction, and expunging cynicism from your life, and another to actually do it every day. That is why I began this chapter with my extraordinary conversation with golfer David Toms. Toms sits proudly atop the Hill of A in this area, a master over those forces and events that could pull his mind out of the game. He wrestles with the voices in his head and gets hot under the collar when he is disappointed in his performance, but at a deeper level he recognizes the potential pitfalls that would impede his greater goals and either chooses a course of action that prevents these corrosive forces from entering the fragile machine of the mind or tames them when they do.
What guides him? First, he realizes that rules and rule keepers are just a floor of what he does, not the ceiling. The officials at the Royal and Ancient Golf Club of St. Andrews, the same officials who established and have governed the rules of golf for hundreds of years, would have allowed Toms to continue in the tournament if he had so wanted; according to the rules, he had done nothing wrong. But, prompted by a wise official who undoubtedly understood, too, that rules have limits, Toms knew that he should not. He knows the rules, the cans and cants, and plays within them when they apply. But he lives in shoulds. His values—honesty, obligation to others, leadership, and integrity—transcend the rules. Rules can’t touch the spirit of golf, his love of the game, or the purity of his pursuit of excellence. These values keep him focused on higher goals.
It also strikes me that, as individual a sport as golf is, Toms does not separate his personal success from the larger world in which he exists. He sees himself connected and responsible not just to himself and his self-interest, but to his family, his fans, his fellow competitors, and even to the young person just learning the sport who might be struggling with the easy temptation to cut a few corners and ignore a few putts. He knows that, in a transparent world, everything you do is on the record and stays with you throughout your career. Toms seems to understand innately that his public and private behavior are inseparable, and that to live any other way is to set up the conditions for dissonance to thrive. That internal calm he believes so essential to the constitution of winners is nothing less than consonance, the ability to act in harmony with oneself. Dissonance creates internal tensions that others can sense and, like the free flow of information in a transparent society, those tensions cannot be fully masked or controlled. He stands as a living example that external congruence flows from internal consonance.
Altogether, David Toms seems to crave something more than success, something more than just winning tournaments. He strives each day to fill the synapses between him and all the others in his personal stadium with trust, integrity, and consonance in order to be significant in the eyes of those who watch and are influenced by his actions, and it is this pursuit of significance that guides his journey through life.
KEEPING YOUR HEAD IN THE GAME
We all face choices every day like David Toms does, several times a day. To build long-term sustained success we too must learn to take the paths that reduce distraction and dissonance and keep our interpersonal synapses clear. Rules keepers are not always there and the rules don’t always keep us clear. We can seek our advisors and mentors, and they can guide us, but at the end of the day, we are all metaphorically left in that lonely hotel room late at night, with nothing but ourselves to depend on to do the right thing. It is there that we must seek consonance between the various voices in our heads, be guided by those that help us, and turn away from those that pull our heads out of the game. The guidance we need