How Hard Can It Be_ - Jeremy Clarkson [117]
Okay, you’ve got me bang to rights – I’m a secret green
I’ll be right there, Sir Ranulph – must conquer the sofa first
Letting beavers loose in Scotland is a dam-fool idea
Say cheese, darling – I’ll stick on your horse’s ears later
Now there’s a first – my elephant has just exploded
No, I won’t wear a tiara, if it’s all the same to you
I’m not superstitious, Officer, but it’s bad karma to harry a druid
After three brushes with death in planes I want a parachute
Just one word and my T-shirt offends the whole of Japan
Stop, you’re digging an early grave with that garden trowel
The conquerors are coming, Pierre – we Brits need more land
Soaking up the raw emotion of the best beetroot contest
Nurse! The OAP mods are bashing the wrinkly rockers
Dr Useless, what’s the Canadian word for ‘lousy care’?
It’s just not fair – donkeys get all the breaks
Forget Antigua, 007 – all the real action is in Acacia Avenue
Mad Johnny Baa Lamb is here to save the pit bulls
Up to the waist in Brown’s slurry on my new farm
Help, quick – I’ve unscrewed the top on a ticking bomb
Cleverness is no more. It has ceased to be. This is a dumb Britain
I’ve got a solution for the rainforest: napalm the lot
Get me a rope before Mandelson wipes us all out
Stop the game, ref. We’re all too cross to play by the rules
Call me a spoilsport but I’m glad my dad wasn’t a lesbian
I’m so dead – shot by both sides in the website war
Sing about the fat man again and I’ll shoot Tiny Tim
The BA strike is off – so that’s many a Christmas ruined
So, Piggy, Buttocks and Rat – what shall we call Gordon?
Footnote
Soaking up the raw emotion of the best beetroot contest
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