How the Homosexuals Saved Civilization - Cathy Crimmins [27]
“What makes a drink ‘gay’?” asked David Schmader in Seattle’s alternative newspaper, The Stranger. “Some say all it takes is a name ending in ‘rita’ or ‘tini,’ while others specify the inclusion of chopped fruit and fanciful decorations.” Schmader wrote a hilarious piece in which he took a straight friend around to gay bars to see if drinking “frou-frou” drinks would make him gay.
The subject’s first “gay drink” of the night was a Grape Nehi (2 oz vodka, 2 oz raspberry liqueur, lemon, blended with ice), given an extra splash of gay by our accommodating bartender, who crowned the drink with a spear of maraschino cherries and a paper umbrella. . . . Next we came to the stylish dance club Blu, where the friendly boy-tender answered my call for “the gayest drink in the house” by whipping up an Aquapolitan (3 oz orange-lemon aquavit, 1 oz Grand Marnier, dash of orange juice, splash of cranberry juice/sour mix), which the subject described as “good” and “slushy.”
After also pouring a Cabana Boy Sunset and several cosmopolitans down his friend’s throat, reporter Schmader concludes that a night of gay drinking makes a straight guy more loquacious, but not particularly gay.
“Ultimately,” Schmader observes, “gay drinks are like big, fruity hugs—warming you up, raising your self-esteem, and going down easy.” That’s probably why so many straight people like to drink them, too.
Chapter 5
Fashion, Style, and Body Image: Gay Guys Do It Better!
Gay guys are the fashion designers of their own bodies, and then they just put tight things on top.
—Mathieu Chantelois, host of the Canadian cable show SoGayTv
Karen: Jack, I’ve spent years and my husband’s millions
learning about fashion. What are your qualifications? Jack: I’m gay.
Karen: Oh, honey, what would I do without you?
—from an episode of Will & Grace
While I applaud the fierce courage that it must take to show up in public wearing clothing designed by heterosexuals, I don’t think I will be able to walk a mile in your shoes—much less in the unsightly gowns you will be left to choose from.
—from Mrs. Betty Bowers, America’s Best Christian, explaining why she still picks homosexual designers, even if they are going to hell
If I hadn’t been a woman, I’d have been a drag queen.
—Dolly Parton
Is it just a stereotype that gay men are inherently fashionable? That they look and smell better than heterosexual guys? That they care more about their bodies, their furniture, and their wall coverings?
Maybe, but does it matter? Sometimes the most positive stereotypes are true.
“The notion that gay men have a superior fashion sense is not true, and it’s damaging,” openly gay Massachusetts Con gressman Barney Frank told Newsweek. He finds the makeover show Queer Eye for the Straight Guy “offensive,” because it creates the impression that gay men only care about decorating and style issues.
Lighten up, Barney. Of course not every gay man has great style. You don’t, Barney, and some of my friends admit that they don’t. (“I’m gay, but I dress like a fourteen-year-old boy from Indiana,” says one gay man I know.) But shouldn’t we be grateful for the growing public perception of queers as style mavens? Is it so bad to deal with a positive stereotype? Beneath this stereotype lies a long history of how gay fashion attitudes have influenced the straight world.
The older, less subtle stereotype about gays and fashion was that they controlled it. I remember as a little kid, in the mid-sixties, hearing a mean person say that the “faggots” who designed women’s couture didn’t care if women looked awful in it. They were all flaming homosexuals who hated girls and wanted them to look bad in outré dresses. How stupidly homophobic can a person be?
Of course fashion has a very gay history. In fact, it could be argued that the essence of fashion is gay. Gay designers have influenced every straight woman’s fashion choices for the last hundred years. It has