How to Bake a Perfect Life - Barbara O'Neal [135]
If I hadn’t become involved with him, would I have been a better guide to Katie? Would I have noticed more?
I’m grateful that he doesn’t talk a lot. The music he plays is all upbeat and cheery, and I find myself letting go of the furious worry and anxiousness about everything and begin to see what’s around us. Mountains; a sky so clear and blue it seems impossible that it isn’t solid; fields of pale-green yucca and prickly walking-stick cactus. Jonah points to a herd of antelope, delicate and long-legged, springing across the landscape.
Driving becomes almost a meditation. There’s something relaxing about the straight, clean, sunny highway rolling ahead of the windshield. I find myself letting go of a breath I’ve been holding since I found her note this morning.
“That’s better,” Jonah says.
“I’m still in shock that she did this, honestly. Stole money from me? Ran away in the middle of the night? She’s been thriving here.”
“She hasn’t had an easy life.”
“That’s true. My mistake has been in forgetting that.” I think about last night, standing by her bed, all the things I wanted to say and couldn’t. “If Sofia had done something like this, it would have been dramatically awful. With Katie, I’m less worried because she’s so street-smart, you know?”
He nods.
“I worry that she thinks she’s savvier than she is, though. I mean, all it takes is one wrong move, and there you are with some bad man somewhere.”
His finger moves on my arm. I move it away.
He says, “You or her?”
I glance at him. “I know, it’s all mixed up together. The exile, the drama. But my parents, for all the mistakes they made, were always behind me. In my corner. What must it be like to have your parents really abandon you?”
“She’s a strong kid. I’ve watched her. She’s smart and astute and really good at getting her needs met. We’ll find her, bring her back. She’s going to be okay.”
“It was a dozen little missteps, you know? She felt betrayed by my mother going to San Antonio, then I let her down over the flower show, and then I didn’t tell her the truth when I should have.” I look at him. “You know, no matter how hard you try, it’s hard to be a good parent. You always drop the ball somewhere.”
His eyes cloud. “Ethan was always so sick.”
“I’m sorry. That was thoughtless.”
“No, it wasn’t. I hate when people tiptoe around it. It was hard to be a good parent to him, too. Hard to discipline him, and Claire, my ex, wouldn’t.”
“That is hard.”
After a minute he says, “You know I’m not the enemy, right?”
I look at him. “Yes. That doesn’t mean I think this is a good idea or that it’s working out or—”
His chuckle surprises me. “It doesn’t have to be decided today.”
My phone rings. “Answer that, will you?”
“Hello,” he says, “this is Ramona’s phone. She’s driving. Can I help you?” He listens for a minute, but I hear Sofia’s voice, anxious and loud. Signaling, I head for the side of the road. “Hold on,” Jonah says. “She’s pulling over.”
When I’m stopped, he hands me the phone. “Hi, Sofia. What’s going on?”
“Where the hell is Katie? I had the weirdest email from her, and it sounds dire. I thought you weren’t going to tell her about Oscar?”
“Her mother told her.”
“How did her mother find out?”
“Through the grapevine somehow. I don’t know. And because I didn’t tell her, she has taken off, probably to go see her loser mother.”
“She ran away, Mom? How could you let that happen?”
“I didn’t let it happen. She’s thirteen. Her mother is a crackhead and her dad is grievously injured and she feels betrayed on about a thousand fronts.”
“But you were in charge of her!”
“Sofia! I’ll thank you to lose that tone. I’m in the car, I’m on my way to El Paso, and I’m doing the best I can with a lousy situation.”
“Sorry, but I am nine months pregnant and my life isn’t the greatest, either, okay?