Hunting Human - Amanda E. Alvarez [91]
Beth sat up and swung trembling legs over the side of the bed. “That was…”
“Intense?”
“Yeah.”
“And now you’re running away. Again.” His voice was harsh and grating, his breath still coming in forced pants.
“No.” Defensive, Beth slid off the bed and moved toward the door. Braden pinned her with a feral look. “I—I need some space. Some time to process.”
Braden sat up and bared his teeth. “Fine. Take all the time you need.”
“I’m sorry.” She said, uncomfortably aware that they’d come full circle.
Braden rose and prowled toward her. She matched every step he took until she was in the hallway.
He stopped dead in the doorway. “Christ, Beth. I’m not going to attack you.” He sighed and ran his hands through his hair, then shoved them in his pockets. “We’re on your schedule.” He reached for the door, white knuckles gripping the knob. “It’s late.”
“I’m sorry.”
“So you’ve said,” he replied, working the muscles along his jaw.
“What do you want me to say? That this is fine? That I’m okay with this?” Hurt and anger fueled her words. “Because I’m not. I can’t help it. I don’t know what’s me anymore! I don’t want to be driven by an animal. Consumed by its needs.”
“Please,” he growled. “That’s just the handy excuse you use to keep putting space between us.”
“It’s true!”
“And convenient!” He countered. “Okay, fine. You’re unsettled. This part of yourself scares you, but that’s not all of it. Hell, that’s not even the bulk of it.”
“I don’t know what you mean.”
“Yeah, you do. You just won’t admit it. But I’ll enlighten you, anyway. You think the wolf scares you? You’re afraid of losing control? Bullshit. You’re afraid of living with it, of liking it. You’re so wrapped up in the guilt you feel over Rachel’s death you can’t see straight. The more you learn, the more you practice, the farther away from the monster you get. And it terrifies you. You can’t stand the thought of embracing a part of you that reminds you of Rachel’s death. So you bury it. Ignore it. And you push me away.”
“That’s not fair.”
“You’re right, it’s not. But that’s on you.” He slammed the door shut behind him and moved toward the stairs. “I’m done. When you’re finished punishing yourself, let me know.” He descended the stairs before she could reply.
Chapter Twenty-One
Beth took in a deep breath of forest air, closed her eyes and tried, again, to focus. She’d tossed and turned the entire night, lying awake and unsettled by the intensity of her encounter with Braden. She still wasn’t sure what to do about him. But one answer had come to her in the darkness. She finally understood what Chase had been trying to teach her. It hadn’t taken her long to figure out that she needed to start by focusing exclusively on one object, with one sense, and then open herself to the rest of them. Last night it had been the feel of Braden pressed against her, warm and deliciously male, that had finally snapped her senses into focus. Just the echoes of the sensations were enough to arouse her.
Beth pulled herself away from the memory and allowed herself to only consider what it taught her.
Focus on one thing. Let your senses spread from there.
Instinct, rather than determination, would get her what she wanted. Widening her stance, she let her eyes fall closed and focused exclusively on the first thing she noticed.
Chase, standing next to her, radiated heat and his breathing was slow and measured. In, out. In, out. In, out. Without thought, Beth altered her breathing to match his, the sound of air rushing through lungs and out the nose the only thing she heard.
“What do you hear?” Chase’s voice joined the sound of their breathing, sending her concentration wobbling.
Maintaining her exclusive focus on what she heard, Beth assimilated Chase’s voice. He repeated the question every few breaths like encouragement,