I Beat the Odds_ From Homelessness, to the Blind Side, and Beyond - Michael Oher [77]
I just have to remember the good times--the way she was when she was off drugs and working--and decide for my own life what kind of parent I am going to be once I get married and start a family. All she did was give birth to us. She was never really a mother, not in any reliable way. I know that I am not going to do anything to bring children into this world until I can provide a good life for them with a solid family, and I'm going to make sure that I am grateful for them. I'm going to be a great father, do all the right things, and make sure I'm there for them. My mother's failures do not have to be mine.
You need to make that same decision. If a family member is abusive or neglectful, you can always be grateful that person gave you life or shares your genes, but you also have the power to recognize that their life is not your life and their decisions do not have to be yours. It may be that you are able to separate yourself from that person, painful as it might feel, and refuse to allow their poisonous way of acting to influence your life anymore. Of course, it could be that you are not able to physically remove yourself from the situation. In that case, then, you just have to decide in your own mind who you are, what you want, and what it is going to take for you to get there. Keep that in the front of your mind at all times and never let that other person knock down your dreams or pull you off-course.
The same is true when it comes to choosing your friends. It can be really tough to find good people to hang around with, and it can be lonely sometimes. It's impossible to stress how important it is that you choose the right friends, no matter who you are. It doesn't matter if you're a poor kid in the projects or someone in foster care bouncing around to different neighborhoods or a rich kid in a private school. The people you choose to hang out with are going to have a huge impact on the choices you make and the person you end up becoming. If you hang around people who are always negative, you're going to start acting that way, too, because it will just seem normal. If you spend all your time with people who get into trouble, you're going to end up getting into trouble, too. You have to keep your eyes open for the right kinds of friends if you want to go against the trends around you.
I was lucky enough to find Craig, and I am so glad that I did because I know his influence helped keep me out of serious trouble. I try to include him whenever I hang out with my brothers because he is just like a brother to me. I'm so proud of him for having a steady job and keeping such a clean life--no drugs, arrests, or any of that mess. He's still a good guy and I love him for it.
Jamarca, who was such a good friend to me while we were in college together, is another guy who has his head on straight. We looked out for each other during college and we still stay close now that we're both in the pros. He plays for the Vikings, but when he's not in Minnesota, we rent a place together in Oxford to be near the Ole Miss campus for workouts. He's someone I know I can trust to not pull me into trouble or try to get me involved in the wrong things.
It blows my mind when I look around and see those professional athletes who keep hanging around thugs and hustlers and other people who are just plain bad news. When the people in the entourage cause trouble, the athlete almost always gets into trouble, too. Look at Michael Vick. He is actually a nice guy and a talented player; but after he made it big, he kept hanging around with troublemakers from his old neighborhood, and that was how he ended up involved in the dog fighting ring that landed him in prison.
The friends you choose can make all the difference as to where you end up. If all of your friends cut school, don't do any work, hang out with thugs, or are involved in bad activities, chances are good that you'll end up doing the same thing. It's crazy