I, Claudius - Robert Graves [166]
"When are you to die?"
"Three years hence, in the spring. I know the very day."
"But are you so anxious to become a Goddess? My uncle Tiberius isn't at all anxious, it seems."
"It is all I think about, now that my work is over. And why not? If Augustus is a God, it's absurd for me to be merely his priestess. I did all the work, didn't I? He no more had it in him to be a great ruler than Tiberius has."
"Yes, Grandmother. But isn't it enough for you to know what you have done without wanting to be worshipped by the ignorant rabble?"
"Claudius, let me explain. I quite agree about the ignorant rabble. It's not so much my fame on earth that I'm thinking about as the position I am to occupy in Heaven.
I have done many impious things—no great ruler can do otherwise. I have put the good of the Empire before all human considerations. To keep the Empire free from factions I have had to commit many crimes. Augustus did his best to wreck the Empire by his ridiculous favouritism: Marcellus against Agrippa, Gaius against Tiberius. Who saved Rome from renewed Civil War? I did. The unpleasant and difficult task of removing Marcellus and Gaius fell on me. Yes, don't pretend you haven't ever suspected me of poisoning them. And what is the proper reward for a ruler who commits such crimes for the good of his subjects?
The proper reward, obviously, is to be deified. Do you believe that the souls of criminals are eternally tormented?"
"I have always been taught to believe that they are."
"But the Immortal Gods are free from any fear of punishment, however many crimes they commit?"
"Well, Jove deposed his father and killed one of his grandsons and incestuously married his sister, and... yes, I agree.... They none of them have a good moral reputation. And certainly the Judges of the Mortal Dead have no jurisdiction over them."
"Exactly. You see now why it's all-important for me to become a Goddess. And this, if you must know, is the reason why I tolerate Caligula. He has sworn fhat if I keep his secret he will make a Goddess of me as soon as he's Emperor. And I want you to swear that you'll do all in your power to see that I become a Goddess as soon as possible, because—oh, don't you see?—until he makes me a Goddess I'll be in Hell, suffering the most frightful torments, the most exquisite ineluctable torments."
The sudden change in her voice, from cool Imperial arrogance to terrified pleading, astonished me more than anything I had yet heard. I had to say something so I said: "I don't see what influence poor Uncle Claudius is ever likely to have, either on the Emperor or on the Senate."
"Never mind about what you see or don't see, idiot! Will you swear to do as I ask? Will you swear by your own head?"
I said; "Grandmother, I’ll swear by my head—for what that's worth now—on one condition."
"You dare to make conditions to me?"
"Yes, after the twentieth cup; and it's a simple condition. After thirty-six years of neglect and aversion you surely don't expect me to do anything for you without making conditions, do you?"
She smiled. "And what is this one simple condition?"
"There are a lot of things that I'd like to know about. I want to know, in the first place, who killed my father, and who killed Agrippa, and who killed my brother Germanicus, and who killed my son Drusillus...."
"Why do you want to know all this? Some imbecile hope of avenging their deaths on me?"
"No, not even if you were the murderess. I never take vengeance unless I am forced to do so by an oath or in self-protection. I believe that evil is its own punishment.
All I want now is just to know the truth. I am a professional historian and