I, Claudius - Robert Graves [58]
What a chance he has!' "
"You didn't put any of this in your history," said Livy.
"Not in the public editions," said Pollio. "I'm not a fool. Still if you like to borrow the private Supplement which I have just finished writing, you'll find it there. But perhaps you'll never bother. I'll tell you the rest: Caesar was a wonderful mimic, you know, and he gave them Pompey's dying speech, preparatory to falling on his sword [the radish again—with the end bitten off]. He railed, in Pompey's name, at the Immortal Gods for always allowing vice to triumph over virtue. How they laughedl Then he bellowed: 'And isn't it true, though Pompey says it? Deny it if you can, you damned fornicating dogs, you!' And he flung the half-radish at them. And the roar that went up!
Never were there soldiers like Caesar's. Do you remember the song they sang at his French triumph?
'Home we bring the bald whore-monger, Romans, lock your wives away.' "
Livy said. "Pollio, my dear fellow, we were not discussing Caesar's morals, but the proper way to write history."
Pollio said. "Yes, that's right. Our intelligent young friend was criticising your method, under the respectful disguise of praising your readability. Boy, have you any further charges to bring against the noble Livy?"
I said: "Please, sir, don't make me blush. I admire Livy's work greatly."
"The truth, boyl Have you ever caught him out in any historical inaccuracies? You seem to be a fellow who reads a good deal."
"I would rather not venture..."
"Out with it. There must be something."
So I said: "There is one thing that puzzles me, I confess. That is the story of Lars Porsena. According to Livy, Porsena tailed to capture Rome, being first prevented by the heroic behaviour of Horatius at the bridge and then dismayed by the astounding daring of Scaevola; Livy relates that Scaevola, captured after an attempt at assassinating Porsena, thrust his hand into the flame on the altar and swore that three hundred Romans like himself had bound themselves by an oath to take Porsena's life. And so Lars Porsena made peace. But I have seen the labyrinth tomb of Lars Porsena at Clusium and there is a frieze on it of Romans emerging from the City gate and being led under a yoke. There's an Etruscan priest with a pair of shears cutting off the beards of the Fathers. And even Dionysius of Halicamassus, who was very favourably disposed towards us, states that the Senate voted Porsena an ivory throne, a sceptre, a golden crown and a triumphal robe; which can only mean that they paid him sovereign honours. So perhaps Lars Porsena did capture Rome, in spite of Horatius and Scaivola. And Aruns the priest at Capua [he's supposed to be the last man who can read Etruscan inscriptions] told me last summer that according to Etruscan records the man who expelled the Tarquins from Rome was not Brutus but Porsena, and that Brutus and Collatinus, the first two Consuls at Rome, were merely the City Stewards appointed to collect his taxes."
Livy grew quite angry. "I am surprised at you, Claudius.
Have you no reverence for Roman tradition that you should believe the lies told by our ancient enemies to diminish our greatness?"
"I only asked," I said humbly, "what really happened then."
"Come on, Livy," said Pollio. "Answer the young student. What really happened?"
Livy said; "Another time. Let's keep to the matter in hand now, which is a general discussion of the proper way to write history. Claudius, my friend, you have ambitions that way. Which of us two old worthies will you choose as a model?"
"You make it very difficult for the boy, you fealous fellows," put in Sulpicius. "What do you expect him to answer?"
"The truth will offend neither of us," answered Pollio.
I looked from one face to the other. At last I said, "I think I would choose Pollio. As I am sure that I can never hope to attain Livy's inspired literary elegance, I shall do my best to imitate Pollio's accuracy and diligence."
Livy grunted and was about to walk off, but Pollio