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book is true and correct to the best of our knowledge. The book is intended only as a general guide to a specific type of personality disorder and is not intended as a replacement for sound medical advice or services from the individual reader’s personal physician. The stories that begin many chapters, and other case history material throughout the book, have been developed from composites of several people and do not represent any actual person, living or dead. Any resemblance to any actual person is unintentional and purely coincidental. All recommendations herein are made without guarantees by the authors or publisher. The authors and the publisher disclaim all liability, direct or consequential, in connection with the use of any information or suggestion in this book.

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As all things,

still,

for Doody

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

The efforts necessary to complete this new edition required both great assistance and forbearance. Assistance initiated with Bruce Seymour of Goodeye Photoshare (goodeye-photoshare.com), who donated much time and effort with technical issues producing the manuscript. Another dear friend, Eugene Horwitz, massaged frustrating computer conundrums. My secretaries, Jennifer Jacob and Cindy Fridley, helped gather articles and books incorporated into the work. Lynne Klippel, energetic librarian at DePaul Health Center, St. Louis, tracked down helpful references.

Great forbearance was demonstrated by my partners and staff of Allied Behavioral Consultants of St. Louis, who allowed me the freedom to pursue this task. My wife, Judy, and children, Jenny, Adam, Brett, and Alicia, and the little ones, Owen and Audrey and a Player to Be Named Later, courageously consented to miss a few ball games, several plays, and a lot of movies while I indulged sunny afternoons researching and writing.

We wish to thank our agent, Danielle Egan-Miller, at Browne & Miller Literary Associates, and John Duff and Jeanette Shaw, our publisher and editor, respectively, at Perigee/Penguin. All played important roles in shaping the contents of this book.

PREFACE

When the first edition of I Hate You—Don’t Leave Me was published in 1989, very little information was available to the general public on the subject of Borderline Personality Disorder. Research into the causes of, and treatments for, BPD was in its infancy. The few articles that had appeared in consumer magazines vaguely outlined the disorder as it began to infiltrate the “American consciousness.” There were virtually no books on BPD for the patient or the patient’s close family and friends. The response to our book, both in this country and abroad with foreign translations, has been most gratifying. My intention to produce a work accessible to the general public, yet functional for professionals with useful references, seems to have been fulfilled.

To say that a lot has happened in this area over twenty years is obviously a vast understatement. Several other books on BPD have been published, including our own Sometimes I Act Crazy (2004), describing the experience of this illness from the perspectives of afflicted individuals, family members, and treating professionals. Greater understanding of the etiology, biological, genetic, psychological, and social implications and treatment approaches has added exponentially to our knowledge. So the challenge of writing this second edition was to highlight and explain the most important advances, present useful, referenced information for the professional, and yet manage the length of the book so it can continue to serve as an engaging introduction to BPD for the lay reader. To achieve this balance, a few chapters needed only updating, but others, especially